Inhabiting My Days

I want to inhabit all of my days.....not just exist. I want each day to open me more,
just like a flower. I want to bloom.

I strongly beleive that being an inhabitant of each one of my days and realizing the worth of that day and that process, makes LIFE worth living and makes me a SUCCESS.

And what is life?

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
Mother Teresa


What is Success?.........heard this today. "Success is running out of the door every morning ready to live that day......success is love."

JUST THINKING............................................

My life right now?
My life is what it should be.
I'm where I should be
with who I should be with
doing what I should be doing
Trying not to hurry
Trying not to worry
Loving
Growing
Living
Inhabiting

:)

Growing Pains

School is a little crazy right now........I've yet to grasp what my unit will be about for my full time teaching, and I'm beginning to become a little concerned...............

I know my students well, and I know what I would like to do, but I feel resistance and I don't like it.

An important individual within this process put it to me pretty straight today, stung a little, but she told me to "get a backbone"........which I already have, but decided a little earlier in the school year that it might be OK to hide a little, as to not feel that resistance......

I don't like resistance, but I'm trying to think about what is best for those kids and I've now come to the conclusion that they aren't getting all that they need and that I have a prime opportunity to change that.

I can see so many things that could be happening, that aren't, and I've decided to take on that resistance for them.

Maybe, when this is all said and done, I will have left some type of impression upon those children, that school is fun, and that "Ms.Kitchens," truly cared about what they were interested in, and not just their scores on a test.

It's easy to go with the flow, but sometimes, you gotta go against the current..............and just maybe, the water will start flowing the other way or some of the fish will swim with you, making the water easier to tread.


In other avenues, my grandmother appears to be getting sicker and I'm not so sure it's as much physical at this point, as it is emotional.
Almost all of her hair has fallen out now, and she is very embarrassed of it. She doesn't talk as much as she use to and you can just look at her face and see, that her sparkle is dying.She says things like, "if I make it until then." I pray everyday, that God ease her pain and help her to stay on top of this, emotionally and physically. That is all I can do. I am helpless, otherwise. This hurt runs deep and I'm trying with everything that God has placed inside of me to stay strong, but it's hard.........It's hard to see her like this and it's hard to find time. It's hard not to dwell on it and it's hard to focus on what I HAVE TO DO.

I need to uncover my strength, and I need to lean on those people in my life that are my sources.

"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge" Psalms 62:8

Changed

One year ago I was..................
Scared......that I didn't fit.
Worried...... that I couldn't do it.
Hiding............within myself.
All of my feelings and thoughts, I only shared them with a select few. Was I ok? Yeah. I was great, but now I'm even better.

I'm not afraid to tell you how I feel anymore, because you've listened. I don't worry about fitting anymore, because it's overrated. I know I can do it, because I just can. I won't hide anymore, because there's no reason to.

Last August a process began in my life that has changed me forever, I started my teaching cohort. All of these things above described me, exactly.

As I began to dive into what being a teacher really means, I uncovered things about myself that I have never known. I took hold of my soul purpose, which is to teach. To teach with actions, with words, with questions,with convictions, but most of all, with my heart. It has spilled into every facet of my life. I am different. I have grown, and I am glad.

Granted, there is still so far to go, but I'm learning that reflecting on my growth, gives me just as much satisfaction as it does my students when they can see their progress.

Another example of "spilling over," is the fact that I can see more clearly who I am. I am a minister, I know that. I've heard God's voice blaring through many of the people and things around me. Do I stand in front of a congregation and speak? No. Will I ever? Not completely sure, but I do know that I have to minister to the people within my life.

What does that mean, to minister to them?
It may just mean listening. It may mean praying with them, or for them. It may mean just sitting there in the silence, comforting them by just breathing. It may mean encouraging them, or holding thier hand. It might mean a hug, or a smile. It could quite possibly mean crying with them or laughing with them. It might just be the words, "you will get through this," or "you do have the power."

Hmmmm.....sounds like we all do it, everyday.

I am so thankful for the people within my life that are pushing, listening, caring for, praying for, and in essence, ministering to me. WE FEED OFF OF EACH OTHER!

Each of us has a spark of life inside us, and our highest endeavor ought to be to set off that spark in one another. - Kenny Ausubel


Seems kind of ironic that 2nd grade is all about change!
That's the grade I'm student teaching in :)

"The Potter Knows the Clay"

Today was a wonderful day. Nothing particularly extravagant about it, just got to spend some quality time with the people that I love.

Since I've moved from home I've made it a strict point to visit with my parents on a weekly basis. We talk, laugh, and just love on each other for a little while. I have to make sure they know how much I'll always love them and keep reinforcing the fact that I never moved out to move away, just to have some ownership of some things and I think they're beginning to understand. I think our relationship has become stronger now, than it was when I lived at home.........it's because there is no longer a power struggle. I can handle it, and now they know that.

I needed to fly, and I have, but I also never forget that they're there, that they love me, and that they are growing, just like me.

We visited with my grandma for a while this afternoon and I think it lifted her spirits just knowing we were there. We talked politics for a while.......of course she stated her opinion, and I stated mine, and before I left she asked me if I would be participating in some type of free radical convention that I had never even heard of. LOL. all because I think people are freaking about president Obama's speech to the nations youth, with no just cause. Had nothing to do with my political views. I assured her that I wouldn't be attending any type of free radical convention and she was relieved :)

I love my family with all of my heart. The connection can never be broken. Death can't break it. Sickness can't break it. Miles can't break it.Differences of opinions can't break it. Nothing can break it.

We are tied by not only the blood that runs through our veins, but by the blood that was shed for us by the perfect sacrifice.

I had a meeting with Jesus last night. I felt Christ wrapping his love around me, the same way that he did when I was eight years old and prayed the sinners prayer. I don't know what it was about that moment,maybe that it was just me and him, but it assured me that everything that's anything, is because of him. It assured me that his love for me is real, it's relevant, and that it will continue to see me through every moment of my life. I've realized that I can't run from my heritage and I can't hide behind anyone, but my creator. I'm in love. I'm in love with the person that formed me with his hands and "The potter Knows The Clay"

he knows how much pressure I can take
He knows how many times to spin me around the wheel
He's planned a beautiful design, but it'll take some fire and time
because the potter knows the clay.

(A wonderful mentor and inspiration of mine wrote an amazing song "The potter knows the Clay" and I can't help but feel that it's message is for me and in the moments that I have no idea what is going on, I remember the message of this song and I can continue on knowing that God knows what he's doing")


I am blessed!

How do you hear from God?

I sat out on my balcony for a few moments this afternoon just trying to unwind from my day, had a nice glass of sweet tea and decided to not think about school during that time..................

It was another one of those "quiet moments" I left everything inside, intentionally and it was just me, the chair, and God.

I talked a few minutes. I thanked God for my blessings, I asked for a few things, but mostly, I just sat there surrounded by the peace that I knew would be interrupted at any moment.....................

Before I knew it I was very deep into thinking about my grandmother that is battling breast cancer and once again, throwing out the why........

At the very moment that I began to cry, I was reminded of a few days before, Sunday, when I had sat out there as a storm blew in. I knew that this was significant and I knew what God was doing.

I was being reminded that the storm blows in, and blows out. It may leave some things changed, it may leave some things the same, but the point is, it never lasts forever. I also felt significance in the fact that I knew that a few hundred miles down the road, it was not even raining, the sun was probably shining.

This is my life right now........In this one area, it's storming, but in the other areas the sun is shining, so I have nothing to complain about. I can't sulk in it and I can't place blame. I have to take it for what it is, and that is, a storm, blowing in and then back out.

I am blessed and I am loved. And I feel that love with every breath that I breathe................It is relationship. My creator is my best friend and there are some that say, "How do you hear from God" and I say "How do you not hear from God?" We're surrounded by it.

I have to open my heart because my ears are not sufficient for this one.

:)