tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19534820260474105742024-02-19T11:28:40.027-05:00From The Spark To The FlameEach of us has a spark of life inside us, and our highest endeavor ought to be to set off that spark in one another. - Kenny AusubelUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger87125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-19003179286480847082011-11-20T19:01:00.000-05:002011-11-20T19:01:22.890-05:00My Life's WorkWhen I begin to think over the past few months about being a teacher, I realize just how vital "thinking" has been. For whatever reason I'm not the kind of person that can just do something in life. I have to think about it.<br />
<br />
I want to be connected to the people around me. I want to live each day and go to bed each and every night knowing that I have given all that I can give and received all that I was supposed to receive.<br />
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Seeing the first set of children that I taught and sending them into kindergarten/ teaching another group for the first half of the school year, has really taught me some things about myself.<br />
<br />
1. I am not typical.<br />
2. I wish to educate differently and support parents as I do so.<br />
3. Teaching a child is most effective and nourishing for the child when there is a partnership between a teacher and parents, when the two agree to be on the same page.<br />
4. I teach individuals.<br />
5. It's harder to teach the way that I know I was born to when there are 22 children in my classroom, but it can and will be done.<br />
6. I want to be the facilitator for a school someday...................................<br />
<br />
I want to facilitate and environment where parents truly do wish to see their individual child thrive and are willing to support that education not only financially, but with their presence. I think it could be the grounds of "coming together." A place where parents can be involved in the community of helping to teach their child. When parents leave to go to work everyday, I want them to feel as though they have left their child with members of their family, and know that their children are discovering their passions all day long.<br />
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I want the children to know how completely special they are and how what they bring into their school, no one else can. I don't want them to ever represent a number or a test score. I want to know them as Larry the amazing artist, or Kerrie the child that is a whiz with the Leggo's. I want to know them, their families, and their passions.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-6781551748455116692011-10-18T16:04:00.000-04:002011-10-18T16:04:02.499-04:00A Shift in The Prayer24 is coming up fast. Someday's I feel younger and someday's I feel older. I've never quite understood this whole age thing. Mama's right! The older I get, the more I realize just how little I really do know. <div><br />
</div><div>Recently I've spent focused time in prayer for a mate, someone to grow old with. I've prayed, "God send the perfect one," and "So! What are you waiting for?" I've asked God over and over again what he's doing, and even taken matters into my own hands a few times and tried to force things that truly I knew couldn't be the right things for me. I don't regret anything, because everything has brought me right to the place that I am now. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Where are you right now, Michelle?</div><div>I've come to a place where I can no longer afford to "take matters into my own hands". When the seeking of ANY relationship becomes more of a priority than my relationship with the almighty, I am no longer in balance, and I am no longer the vessel of full use that I was created to be. </div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Here's the ticket: </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #f9fdff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.</span></div><div><br />
</div><div>I will diligently seek the master's plan. I don't want to ever pray selfish prayers, but always move forward in life living only to glorify God's kingdom. </div><div><br />
</div><div>This life is a vapor and by no means what it's all about. This body is fragile and will be quite empty at the moment my spirit passes from it. The only legacy that will matter will be the legacy of God's love, the same legacy that continues to be passed through my family from generation to generation. </div><div><br />
</div><div>So, I ask myself these questions, and challenge you to do the same: </div><div>Where's your focus? What matters from an eternity standpoint? What doesn't matter? Is your energy poured into reflecting the love of Christ and depending on him to have all of the answers? Because He truly does. He created our brains that ask the questions, surly he knows the answers. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-14593606632025010642011-09-24T21:41:00.001-04:002011-09-24T21:46:26.762-04:00DiscernmentIt's hard to navigate some situations in life. We go along doing what we perceive to be right to the best of our abilities. A lot of times we go at it from a human perspective, because after all, we are only human.<br />
<br />
It's often hard to work within God's plan when we snatch the keys out of His hand. It's our free will. It's what He's given us. We sometimes choose to go about handling a situation with our very own set of rules and our very own way of right. I don't know about you, but that often gets me into trouble. When I pretend not to know that there is a divine hand at work in everything that I am, I tend to lose sight of where the true "win marker" is.<br />
<br />
My true "win marker" is for God's love to be personified through every interaction that I have. I am fully certain that my purpose within this world is to share His love with every person that I come in contact with.<br />
<br />
Sometimes the way that love should be shared is hard to determine. Sometimes when I look at situations with my carnal mind, it's hard to discern what God's best display would be. Through prayer, and through spending time in His word I know that He will supply understanding of every situation that I find myself within.<br />
<br />
It's easy to get lost...........................................<br />
In a moment in time when new age philosophy is in everything around us, it's easy to place too much trust in things that have no solid ground work. You see, lot's of people like to say, "The answer is inside of you." While it sounds really noble, I don't believe it. That sounds great, and perhaps from the standpoint of a Savior living within us, that would make sense, but from the world's definition of that statement, I'm not in agreement. I've searched within "myself" to figure things out and let me just tell you, I don't have it. It's not here. Myself is fresh out of answers.<br />
<br />
Take this:<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"></span><br />
<h3 style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; border-top-color: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: initial; color: #625529; font-family: Corbel, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; left: 0px; position: relative; text-align: left; width: auto;"><a class="bibleref" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Colossians+2%3A8&version=ESV">Colossians 2:8</a> <span class="note" style="color: #444444; font-size: 14px;">ESV </span></h3><div style="font-family: Corbel, Verdana, sans-serif; margin-top: -1em;">See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.</div><div style="font-family: Corbel, Verdana, sans-serif; margin-top: -1em;"><br />
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</div><div style="margin-top: -1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Corbel, Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">As Christians, our discernment has to come through Christ Jesus, because after all, He is the author of every story that our lives will ever tell. </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-15223881480816991762011-09-06T21:52:00.000-04:002011-09-06T21:52:10.669-04:00I'd Rather Have Jesus<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><ol style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><li class="first" style="list-style-type: none; margin-top: 0px;">I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold;<br />
I’d rather be His than have riches untold;<br />
I’d rather have Jesus than houses or lands;<br />
I’d rather be led by His nail-pierced hand</li>
<li class="first" style="list-style-type: none; margin-top: 0px;"><ul style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><li class="refrain" style="list-style-type: none; margin-left: 20px; margin-top: 1em;">Than to be the king of a vast domain<br />
And be held in sin’s dread sway;<br />
I’d rather have Jesus than anything<br />
This world affords today.</li>
</ul></li>
<li style="list-style-type: none; margin-top: 1em;">I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause;<br />
I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause;<br />
I’d rather have Jesus than worldwide fame;<br />
I’d rather be true to His holy name</li>
<li style="list-style-type: none; margin-top: 1em;">He’s fairer than lilies of rarest bloom;<br />
He’s sweeter than honey from out the comb;<br />
He’s all that my hungering spirit needs;<br />
I’d rather have Jesus and let Him lead</li>
</ol><div style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br />
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</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My heart's cry. I feel like I could have written this song.I've come into such a new understanding of just how much Jesus means in my life; how vital to my existence and success my relationship truly is. Yes. It's true that it's the answer that my parents always gave me, but it turns out that it was a pretty good answer. Trust me. I've searched, and time and time again I come back around to the same feeling of needing to fall into his arms and submit my insufficient-ness. There's no other that supplies what I need, and the acknowledging of the fact that I do need, is something that hasn't come easy for me. It's ok to need. It's ok to need other people, and it is most certainly ok to need a relationship with an entity that poured out His life for me. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I will be true. I am a vessel. God has imparted me with so much ability to administer love. He has put so much love into my life so that I can share it with others. I have a strong family. I have a family that prays in agreement. I have a family that extends beyond blood to include many other willing vessels. We are known for our faith that binds us together in the hardest of circumstances, and it is my renewed opinion that no matter how crazy you think I may be, it's as vital to me as oxygen. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">I’d rather have Jesus than anything<br />
This world affords today.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-68558494900411888612011-08-13T22:50:00.002-04:002011-08-14T00:15:34.385-04:00Never Settle for The Path of Least ResistanceMy second year of teaching has kicked into high gear. I'm moving into week three and I'm loving it more than ever.<br />
<br />
This past week I've uncovered some things about myself. It's really almost too much to put on paper, even digital paper.<br />
<br />
So when I graduated from college I had this huge metaphor that I used for the "exit" process called capstone. I constructed it over a period of time using the things that I had learned to guide the delivery. I was very attached to it. It felt just right. It was basically very much reflective of my blog's title, "From the Spark to the Flame." I ever so carefully thought about my student teaching experience and I compared what I had learned to the elements a flame needs in order to burn efficiently. In case you're not aware, fuel, oxygen, and heat are what it takes. I had come to an understanding of all of that. I knew what the elements were and I knew that I was going to be able to maintain my flame.<br />
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For the longest time when I started out I was very focused on the way in which I taught my kids. I made a special point to always allow freedom within the classroom. I wanted them to be able to rationalize. I wanted them to know why they were doing the things that they were doing. I fought forcing compliance. My class looked very different than some. I am certain that at times it looked "out of control." And you know what? Maybe it was out of my control. I deeply believe that children should be the owners of their learning. Adults get in the way too much. We force our ideas of "right." We do this in hopes of creating a social norm.<br />
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Through all of this I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I wondered how the system would respond to these children who were coming out of my classroom thinking freely. These children had spent 10 months with me and I had done everything that I could to cultivate creativity in them. Why? Because if they can understand that learning is something that they own, something that flows as freely as they breathe, they would always love it. My goal was for them to love it.<br />
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I've watched as my first group have pushed their way into kindergarten. I've heard many stories and checked on quite a few of them. I've conversed with teachers that teach some of them and with school staff that have seen some of them. It seems that there is an ongoing theme. They all miss Pre-K.<br />
<br />
Why? That's always my next question. Kindergarten is supposed to be just like all of those books that I read to them to get them ready. As reported to me by many parents.............the books that I read to them are inaccurate. It seems that kindergarten looks nothing like those books at all.<br />
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So, over the past couple of weeks I've pondered "compliance." Do I force these babies, and I say babies because they are truly just 4 and 5 years old, to comply to sitting like soldiers and learning in one single way that I find to be appropriate.<br />
<br />
My answer is still a resounding no.<br />
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There is such a flame living inside of these beings, and if I can't be a catalyst for that to become even brighter, then I don't want to be a teacher. If I can't cultivate creativity and advocate for them to be accepted as free thinkers, then I can't do this job.<br />
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I know I look different. I know they look different. But I am more than ok with it.<br />
<br />
A friend of mine that teaches kindergarten spoke with me today. She said that she knew which ones were mine without even looking at the paperwork. She said she knew because of how alive they were.<br />
<br />
That meant everything to me. That was sheer confirmation in my soul that I had given these children what they needed. All teachers don't appreciate the "alive" factor. Some resist it entirely. I've seen that this week, too. But even though they don't appreciate it, it forces them to ponder what they need to do. Luckily I've formed parent alliances. Luckily the parents of my students were just as knowledgeable about the way that I taught their children as I was. I let them in on as much of the theory as I could. I linked them as much as I could. Why? Because I wanted them to know the foundation of my reasoning.<br />
<br />
Most parents agree with me that there is a special light inside of each one of them. Most parents agree with me that unless we as adults continue to allow that to be ok, it will lessen by the year until the elements that the flame needs are dampened entirely.<br />
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So I guess at this point my metaphor is a little backwards from before.......because I've seen it in reverse. I can see how the flame can become just a spark in a very short period of time if we're not careful.<br />
<br />
And it is disheartening, but I do believe that I have done what is right. I do believe that these children that I've sent forward into the world will birth what they are purposed for. They are conductors of change. I feel that more strongly than any of the opposition.<br />
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I am truly blessed that they teach me so much. I am blessed that my interactions with them and with their families provide fulfillment for my life.<br />
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I have felt great resistance. But from that resistance has come a peace about my teaching philosophy that will never be shaken to its core again.<br />
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I'm a 23 year old female that knows exactly what her purpose is.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-84906201952879447102011-08-08T20:44:00.000-04:002011-08-08T20:44:43.748-04:00Flaws in The ProcessHas anyone ever told you, "Just trust the process"? I've heard this more times that I can count, and with many things I believe that it's an okay theory. Trusting some processes are no doubt, what has to happen. The process of healing for instance. Healing is a natural thing. Healing is a process that I trust.<br />
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But, and you knew that was coming, what about those processes that are flawed? What about the systematic processes that we walk through in life? Processes created by other humans. Are we not supposed to question those processes in order to make sure that we're getting where we need to be, or getting what we need out of it.<br />
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I question certain things, and whether it's right or wrong, it's what I've come to do. Sometimes it makes me crazy. Sometimes it helps me make discoveries for myself. Often times it helps me to connect with another human that has had a similar thought.<br />
<br />
Perhaps seeing the flaws within a process are just my way of processing. Perhaps it is all "Just a process" and I should just trust it.<br />
<br />
Yep. Certifiably CRAZY!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-39081623926958214842011-07-05T22:59:00.000-04:002011-07-05T22:59:19.548-04:00"I Know It Everyday"I've witnessed this conversation between a friend and her son many times:<div><br />
</div><div>Friend: Guess what? </div><div>Son: You love me. </div><div>Friend: How did you know that? </div><div>Son: I know it everyday.</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div>As some things often strike me, this conversation did. There are things that happen in my life that I feel like are God saying, "Guess what baby? I love you, and I'm going to show you everyday." Everyday there is joy. Everyday there is peace. EVERY DAY there is love in my life. Even on the darkest days there are glimpses of purpose and I know every day that my maker loves me. God let's me know everyday just how powerful his love is. I'm thankful that I can hear Him. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-8760774284814562742011-06-14T21:46:00.001-04:002011-06-15T07:20:14.725-04:00Pure Joy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxrBdo_E9Ceuf6N46Llp3tCjTw4pxi-3R1XICEfwEKQY-jyHpv6I8lBN729eymaSS4jarr28rM8TdWSK4gNyw' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div style="text-align: center;">There is a joy in this little boy's laughter that is purely good for my soul. The way that he loves makes me want to find every bit of animosity within my being and allow that same kind of love to invade. That.......That is God. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-50112456914314820242011-06-07T22:40:00.004-04:002011-06-07T22:52:12.800-04:00Tuesdays With Shawn<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjPVtnbbhmw5taqAT6NejpDh7Ua4L0xbKwjWmdxMs0gxbj2U9WMFaFNo5ypvlhNBPDQ36NN_se6GXBiaXsTias6QhSUAP3X3G7iS-5chTDd8Mno8i9qUPqbWFFfNGPk2hy5ROPjsn7Y8I/s1600/250925_2034199451203_1130670041_2451904_4780129_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjPVtnbbhmw5taqAT6NejpDh7Ua4L0xbKwjWmdxMs0gxbj2U9WMFaFNo5ypvlhNBPDQ36NN_se6GXBiaXsTias6QhSUAP3X3G7iS-5chTDd8Mno8i9qUPqbWFFfNGPk2hy5ROPjsn7Y8I/s320/250925_2034199451203_1130670041_2451904_4780129_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>So, there is this little boy that I met when he was just shy of being 2 years old that following July. There was an instant connect with him and you shouldn't ask me to explain it, because even I don't get it. I did meet him through work and taught him again in Prek, but he remains a part of my life because the connection that has been made is so deep that I couldn't sever it if I tried.<br />
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What I'm learning about life is that God makes provision for His children. Sometimes that provision comes through individuals. God provided me with strength through this little boy over the past year of my life. There were days when no one in this world was fully aware of what was occurring within my soul and mind, and he didn't "know" either, yet somehow he did.<br />
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I remember one day specifically that I went to work with a very heavy heart. Of course I faked it just fine. I went through the motions and no one in the room noticed anything out of the ordinary except for him. He put his arms around me and hugged me with the power of what I now know was a divine intervention of some sort. I literally felt a transfer of energy with that hug. I knew at that moment that everything was going to be just fine.<br />
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He's one of the funniest children I've ever met, and watching him think truly fascinates me. He thinks in a capacity that I'm not really that familiar with, which is perhaps why I'm perplexed by it. He's more observant than I am, and he's not quite five years old just yet. His ability to interact with, and to feel his environment never ceases to amaze me. He's quite incredible.<br />
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So, Tuesdays are his days. He's not my student anymore. The change is tough to mentally grasp. Though, the reality of it all is that I get to be in his life in a completely more permanent way and I am so excited about that. He has an amazing family that warms my heart whenever I think of them. So in a really huge way, my family is expanding. :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-1978518615671921592011-05-07T12:59:00.000-04:002011-05-07T12:59:43.754-04:00A Phenomenal Mother<div class="MsoNormal">Dear Mama, </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">When I think about what I have with you my heart is completely overwhelmed. The love that you have always shown me, Corey, and Ryan has been my place to land on many hard days. Our relationship has shifted through the years, and throughout each phase my need for you has changed, yet you’ve seemed to always know what to give me to help me to be successful. At 23 years old I look back over the years of my life that I can remember, and all of the happy, and sad moments involve you in some way. You’ve been there through all of the joy and all of the pain. You’ve known when to hold me, and when to tell me to get up and brush it off and keep going. You’ve pushed me. You’ve challenged me. You’ve been a teacher, one that is much responsible for my success as one. And because of that, my potential is limitless. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You love me with a love that I’ve never felt from anyone else but God himself, and you make it easy for me to believe in that deity. Along with telling me about Jesus, you’ve shown me. Everyday, you’ve shown me. I’ve looked you in the eye and told you that I hated you, and you’ve stared right back as if to say, “It’s ok, because I love you enough for the both of us.” That’s God’s love. And that’s my mother’s love. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">One day I pray that God allows me to sit on your end of it, and I hope that I’m half of the mother that you are, because if I’m one half of that woman, I’ll be a good mother. But you, you’re a phenomenal mother. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I love you as much as I know how, yet I know that you’ll always love me more. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Your baby girl, </div><div class="MsoNormal">Michelle </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-9280442051767209072011-04-10T19:42:00.003-04:002011-04-10T19:47:02.808-04:00Single BloomI'm sitting on the swing while my dog runs vigorously in circles around my yard. What does this have to do with anything? Nothing. I just wanted you to have an image of the setting.<br />
<br />
Anyway,<br />
<br />
So I'm sitting here thinking about work tomorrow, and really I've been thinking about that a lot. With the school year beginning to come to an end I can feel it all winding down in my bones. I've started to ask myself questions about how I think these children will fair in kindergarten. That question all together makes me anxious. This entire year has been a learning experience for me. I've never taught prek before and I've had to figure out exactly what I want that to look like.<br />
<br />
My prek classroom is a place where the imagination guides a whole lot of what I do. My children love to tell stories and draw pictures. They love to sing and to dance. They build, create, solve, experiment. They play. My prek classroom is a place of play. It's where they play and it's where I play. It's where they learn, and it's where I learn. It's exactly what I believe it should be.<br />
<br />
But, and you knew that word was coming. But, as the year winds down I've started asking myself the question, have I prepared these children for the system? Are they ready to sit in a traditional kindergarten classroom? After pondering this thought over the last few days I've stumbled upon a new portion to my question. Have I prepared these children for the system, or have I done everything that I can to ignite a flame for learning within these individuals? Is their perception of school and of the world a place where anything can be imagined and achieved? And when the second part of that question came, all of my worry subsided.<br />
<br />
My worry is gone because I know deep down that I've shown these children how exciting learning is. I know that creativity flows from their fingertips. I know that they are thinkers. I've asked questions and they've found answers. I think they have a wonderful foundation and I am so thankful for the experience of being their teacher.<br />
<br />
As I try to stop typing this, I'm looking at a single pink flower that has begun to bloom on a bush not far from where I am sitting, and I can't help but compare it to the stability that I have found in myself this school year. I'm trusting myself more, becoming more confident in being different. I challenge traditional thinking frequently, and I pray that I will always have the strength to know where the kids are that I'm teaching. The strength to find out what helps them learn, and to give them that. And just as that single flower is blooming by itself right now, and being much different from the buds on that bush, I'm thankful that I'm different, because it's the only way that I will ever reach my full potential as a teacher. And hey, hopefully someone will see how much fun I am having and decide to join the club!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-53442747847381311832011-03-31T17:25:00.001-04:002011-03-31T17:26:15.694-04:00Inches Away!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXpb64m2lAafEg4qU43SnjDCgyHPCLvuKcrM0iolFS2XnACrCgjyUZVIFA-BdKw3r7HxHc4x2DFOBlpqBEC9J_dFxz8GM2s5U56uOgP-qoCW3I2tkDCrqC6-IqSsQNyl9Np0EtcHRoQnQ/s1600/photo+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXpb64m2lAafEg4qU43SnjDCgyHPCLvuKcrM0iolFS2XnACrCgjyUZVIFA-BdKw3r7HxHc4x2DFOBlpqBEC9J_dFxz8GM2s5U56uOgP-qoCW3I2tkDCrqC6-IqSsQNyl9Np0EtcHRoQnQ/s320/photo+%25282%2529.jpg" width="209" /></a></div><br />
About 6 months ago I decided that I needed a change. I needed to begin focusing on my physical health. The thing I've discovered in my twenties is that this body is hard to keep in line. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually......It's hard work. It's hard work to make sure that the person that I wake up to on a daily basis is who I want it to be, and more importantly, who God has designed and destined for it to be. It is hard work to uncover the aspects of life that feel uncomfortable,and put those things at the forefront of my mind and find ways to find comfort with them.<br />
<br />
I won't lie and tell you that I don't wish to know what skinny feels like, but I will tell you that the will to be healthy is much more of a drive for why I wish to lose weight than the want to be "skinny."<br />
<br />
So, healthy is what I'm striving for, and according to this morning's measurements, I'm a small 8 inches away from having a healthier/lower risk waist line.<br />
<br />
The weight is slowly coming off. Slowly is not considered a bad thing in my mind at this point, because everything that I have read, research wise, indicates that slow and steady is much healthier for my body than fast and furious. But, it can be frustrating at times.<br />
<br />
<br />
On October 15th of 2010 I weighed 31 lbs more than I do today. I guess that could be looked at as a loss, but honestly, it's a major gain. <br />
<br />
My workouts have opened up a whole new aspect of me that I didn't really realize existed. I feel like I've always pushed myself intellectually and spiritually, but physically......................I don't even think I've ever focused on that portion of myself until now. And mentally/emotionally.......those seem to be directly affected as well.<br />
<br />
When I look in the mirror I still see things that I'm not thrilled about, but I see change. I see things happening, and better than all of that, I FEEL change. I feel that the physical is coming under submission. It feels right. It feels lovely.<br />
<br />
I feel like I'm inches away! <br />
<br />
<br />
Other great news:<br />
I've lost a shoe size!!!<br />
I've given tons of clothes to my best friend that is also doing a phenomenal job.<br />
I've bought new,smaller clothes......and shoes. :)<br />
Clothes fit better/look better<br />
I can run 2.5 miles without dying, and actually enjoy the way it makes me feel..............(HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?)<br />
Flexibility has improved greatly<br />
Exercise seems to be a part of my life now......like a prescribed medication.<br />
My mom, dad, and baby brother have been inspired to help themselves as well. :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-24173903392260541852011-03-07T20:15:00.000-05:002011-03-07T20:15:36.973-05:00You Move MeThose who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalms 91:1<br />
<br />
Some days I get all sassy and try to handle it on my on. HA. It never works.<br />
<br />
The world's not perfect. Things aren't peachy, but my life is built on the faith in the things that I cannot see. My life is built on FAITH.<br />
<br />
At the end of the day, it's all there is. Faith in my God. Faith in the people around me. Faith in the power of this life.<br />
<br />
It's what I have, for sure. Some things are uncertain. MANY things are uncertain, but I live in the shelter of the most high.<br />
<br />
And<br />
<br />
There is great rest in that secret place of the almighty. Thank goodness.<br />
<br />
Thank goodness for a grace that runs deeper than I can perceive. Thank goodness for a love that goes beyond anything that I'll ever be able to measure or describe.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-11051881426718344192011-02-21T16:42:00.000-05:002011-02-21T16:42:05.462-05:00Senses EngagedJust think about it............<br />
<br />
From the time we are old enough to begin being in this world everything is a sensory experience.We form our likes and our dislikes based off of what we sense.<br />
<br />
Skype...............<br />
<br />
Skype hinders me. I've never really liked it all that much, but it seems over the last few weeks the dislike has heightened even more. This piece of technology limits me. I can only see and hear..................making my sense of touch, smell, and sometimes taste, very jealous.<br />
<br />
<br />
What should I do?<br />
Probably write my lesson plans for this week and stop agonizing over something that clearly has no quick solution.<br />
<br />
<br />
Maybe one day................<br />
<br />
Maybe one day I'll be rich just like Bill Gates when I invent a piece of technology that engages more of the 5 senses. I'll call it............................................................Senses Engaged~The Ultimate Video chatting ExperienceUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-13318782585679553092011-02-06T22:25:00.000-05:002011-02-06T22:25:26.709-05:00See it. Feel it. Let it go.I am finding that there are so many things in life where I just have to apply this. <div><br />
</div><div>See it:</div><div>It's so important for me to see it. To notice. Realize that it's there and that there is something to be learned. </div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div>Feel it: </div><div>Breathing it all in is sometimes hard, because there are some feelings that I don't want to feel. But, there is value in both the hills and the valleys. Feeling it with all of my might is very important. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Let it go:</div><div>Letting go is perhaps the most challenging in all situations..............because I don't want to let go of the hilltop, for sure, and the valley has often left such a overwhelming impression that it's hard to ever start back up the hill again. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Conclusion:</div><div>I've watched a heart rate register on a heart monitor before, and I truly believe that when I master letting the heartbeats of life rise and fall as easily as a healthy physical heart seems to beat......................I'll be in good shape. A healthy heart never hesitates about going on to the the next beat. It sees, feels, and then lets go. Flawlessly. The way God created it. </div><div><br />
</div><div>WOW. </div><div><br />
</div><div>I'll probably never be as flawless as the human heart, but I can learn to see, feel, and let go more easily. </div><div><br />
</div><div>And.</div><div><br />
</div><div>So. </div><div><br />
</div><div>I continue to learn! </div><div><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-88091125717769382152011-01-29T22:51:00.004-05:002011-01-29T22:55:41.333-05:00It's not "Near Death." It's "Near Life"I've been thinking.......................<br />
And I've been thinking that some of the turbulence that I've experienced over the last few months has really made me recognize how near the death of my "ME" was. And as I began to think in that direction, I focused on the negative within my situation. (Not regretting the thought process, because I had to go there in order to get here.)<br />
<br />
Where is here?<br />
My figuring out of where here is, happened today at the gym. I was mid workout on the elliptical and I had the ipod going, but was really lost more in thought than in the music. Title of song: "Near Life Experience"<br />
I glanced at the title and without listening to the song that I'm not that familiar with began to think. I began to wonder if more than anything what I've experienced is a "Near Life" experience. Maybe I wasn't close to dying at all, maybe that's just where I had to be in order to make a few decisions for myself. Perhaps I was much nearer to life than I've been able to see.<br />
<br />
<br />
What are those decisions that I write of?<br />
<br />
<ul><li>I decided that I didn't need a relationship that didn't glorify every part of who God is creating me to be. (I say creating, because it's an endless process) </li>
<li>I've decided that I'm enough, and that what I offer is a lot, so therefore I need a lot in return. </li>
<li>I've decided that I'm strong, because of my weakness. </li>
<li>I've decided that I want to work on my shell a little bit. (I want to be more in shape. Take care of my body better.) </li>
<li>I've decided that I can't live any other way but full throttle. </li>
<li>I've decided that the voice that whispers from way down deep, whispers for a reason, and that by listening to that voice, I'm setting the bar for myself, my very own unborn children, and anyone else in my life that may look to me for inspiration. </li>
</ul><div><br />
</div><div>And then I listened to some of the lyrics:</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;">"Well maybe I'm blind, just throwing darts in the dark.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"> </span></b></span></div></div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 23px;"></span></b><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 23px;"><b>I didn't get what I want, I got what I need.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"> </span></b></span></div></div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 23px;"></span></b><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 23px;"><b>Man it hurts like hell down here on my knees.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"> </span></b></span></div></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 23px;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Is this where I end, or is this where we begin?"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"> </span></b></span></span></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 23px;"><b>Near Life Experience (Lifehouse) </b></span></span></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23px;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 23px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">This is most definitely where I begin! </span></span></span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-91246246745395133782011-01-18T21:03:00.000-05:002011-01-18T21:03:19.485-05:00Cradled by the Holy Spirit<span style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Lyrics to a popular </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">contemporary</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"> Christian song:</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">"You dance over me, while I am unaware. You sing all around, but I never hear the sound. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Lord, I’m amazed by you."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12px; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Perhaps we can hear the sound? </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Generally, I like to base my thoughts off of something, and tonight's thoughts were brought forth by a really good workout that started with Body Pump and led into Body Flow. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Body flow is perhaps my new favorite thing. Why? Because it quiets my mind. Plain and simple. At the end of every session there is a 15 minute segment of "meditation." I've determined to use this time to benefit my mental state. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Tonight, I decided before hand that I'd allow anything that was causing me anxiety to come forth during this time, and that I'd see it, feel it, and then let it go. So, I did. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">And before I knew it I could feel the arms of the Holy Spirit cradling me. I could feel that anxiety being calmed, and then I let it go. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Go with me here: </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Lying on the, what I am sure was cold but I had no realization of it, floor, I began to really take hold of the things in my life that I'm unsure and anxious about. All of the things that keep me awake at night.(We all have them.) And as I allowed those to surface, or I saw them, I began to just as quickly as I saw them, let them go. After I had let the very last bit of it run from my mind. I felt light. I saw light, and for that moment I was light. The next thing I felt was cradled and the music seemed to be louder, more intense, sweeter. I felt aware; aware of the spirit of God that dwells among us. I felt Him singing over me................I felt the Holy Spirit's arms wrapped around every part of who I am. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">Out of body experience? I don't know about all of that? But, it was certainly a refreshing awareness of just how close I can be to my maker and of how the Holy Spirit wishes to cradle me. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-87736381682748332302011-01-10T16:52:00.002-05:002011-01-10T16:52:52.507-05:00It's amazing where shoes can lead you to.Did some purging with this snow day of mine. Started with my shoes. I really work hard at not keeping things that I'm not using. I don't really like clutter all that much, so I went through some shoes to see what could go.................needless to say I was only able to part with 3 pair.......oh well!<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>The things that the shoes led me to, that's the important part. I spied an old tin box that someone had given me perfume in that I have kept the contents of some of my high school memories concealed in for close to 5 years now. I've opened it since high school, but I've always attached some sort of pain with the lid popping off and was usually never able to read all of the things inside. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Today was different. Today I could read through it with a greater understanding of myself. Today I looked through all of these things with a knowing that everything that happened within that timeline happened to bring me to where I am today. I laughed at myself. I laughed at others. I smiled remembering the place that my spirit was at that time in my life. I smiled because it happened, and because it was over. I smiled because I enjoyed being 15-16-17-18. I was bright eyed, and for the most part I'm still bright eyed. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Things happen. And when those things happen we have to learn from them. Take what's good, purge what's bad, and learn from it. Learn from ourselves. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Today my shoes led to the relazation that I have forgiven, and because of that forgiveness, I have welcomed healing into my heart like never before. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-78019876034217944422011-01-08T21:50:00.002-05:002011-01-09T09:45:44.261-05:00Breakdowns lead to breakthroughs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi45BiALt0oIkBqa2P7La1nywlSvU-3AeaagJEeUG-TAA9pxMyJZ4AAWFld7W9ax7OUU4e_p4GntfQ52xZEioKQoYOAy3UFEs3IyaJT8wF6V6ep7mrZlIAZ7zEonCGQM_rDE6FZtBsP2uI/s1600/My+Fabric.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi45BiALt0oIkBqa2P7La1nywlSvU-3AeaagJEeUG-TAA9pxMyJZ4AAWFld7W9ax7OUU4e_p4GntfQ52xZEioKQoYOAy3UFEs3IyaJT8wF6V6ep7mrZlIAZ7zEonCGQM_rDE6FZtBsP2uI/s400/My+Fabric.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>I'm not very good at falling apart. I'd much rather fake it until I make it, but the last week of my life has taught me the value of letting it go; of throwing my hands up in the air and admitting to myself and to the people around me that some things in this life are very unfortunate, but are filled with valuable things that I have to learn about myself.<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>Valuable words and actions from the sources of strength that God has blessed me with:</div><div><br />
</div><div>"It's ok." ~D~</div><div>Holding me the same way he did when I was little and I fell down. ~S~ </div><div>"EVERYTHING makes you stronger." ~H~</div><div>A hug. One of those "I know what your heart is feeling" hugs. ~D~</div><div>"I'm here." ~D~</div><div>"You will be able to use this to help others." ~D~</div><div>"You're allowed to fall apart." ~A~</div><div>"There will be a moment when it all makes sense." ~K~</div><div>"It could happen to any of us. No one is immune." ~K~</div><div>"What a gift to know this at your age!"~ D~</div><div>"Don't you know how wonderful you have made my life"~ DK~</div><div>"If you're lonely, we'll get you another dog, because that will be much better than a man that doesn't know how lucky he is to have you, or one that doesn't respect you. " ~DK~</div><div>"Baby girl, I love you" ~S~</div><div>"You can't live on yesterday's faith, so there has to be something that brings you to that next level of understanding" ~S~</div><div>"You're enough" ~D~<br />
A good mama hug before facing my day. The ones like I used to get before school everyday. ~DK~</div><div>"Michelle, I know this is going to sound weird, but you sharing this with me makes me feel better about knowing that I went through what I went trough. You are one of the smartest/driven people that I know, and if this is something that you almost fell into, then I just feel better about the fact that I myself was in a similar position"~A~</div><div>"Give it to God" ~S~DK~D~K~H~A</div><div>"And let him keep it......" ~D~ </div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div>As I surround myself with these words that I've written down this week to remind me of how blessed I am, I become overwhelmed by the fact that each of these people are within my life. They are here for me to lean on. God wouldn't have put multiple people on this earth if he expected us to be able to withstand things on our own. He wouldn't have created us with the innate longing to connect with other human beings. </div><div><br />
</div><div>I thank God for the circumstances, because even though I can't completely fathom the purpose yet, I can already feel and see the growth. </div><div><br />
</div><div>And by breaking down, I will breakthrough. </div><div><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-68515277759852903522011-01-03T11:47:00.000-05:002011-01-03T11:47:29.658-05:00We walk a tightropeAs a women, when it comes to falling in love, I walk a tightrope. It's so easy to lose balance. It's easy to let the glitter distract me. It's easy to compromise my very being, everything I know of "right", in order just to have SOMETHING. The last few months of my life have taught me that SOMETHING, can be dangerous. Something can take you into places that you were never willing to go in the first place. Something is empty, and it hurts. Allowing a man to treat me any other way that well, is just not acceptable. Allowing myself to be in a position where I feel that I'm no longer making choices, but just enduring, that's not ok either. Feeling like it's not something that I can share with the people around me, well, that's a sure sign that SOMETHING, is not where I wish to live.<br />
<br />
I've stood at the edge of a cliff. I've looked down, surveyed the jagged rocks and visualized what that was going to feel like. I can tell you now......I'd rather continue to believe in something that may, or may not exist for the rest of my life before jumping off that cliff.<br />
<br />
It hurts like hell, but it makes so much sense. Life is crazy like that.<br />
<br />
I thank God that I had the energy to get out of the bed this morning, and in time I know that I will gain understanding of the situation.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-60020199670671606162011-01-02T01:39:00.002-05:002011-01-02T01:47:09.197-05:00"Mama, I can do it."I can remember telling my mama this. I can remember being very young and telling her that I could do it. Tying my shoes.....I could do it. Open a door. I could do it. Read. I could do it.<br />
<br />
My whole life.....I've been saying "I can do it." When I was younger, it wasn't a problem, because those were all things that I needed to do alone, but at this point......... the truth is, that I can't do it alone. I can't do it. I am incapable of any of it alone.<br />
<br />
Tonight.......this morning, I am broken. I am broken from the inside out, because I have found myself in a place that I have never imagined visiting. I have been involved in an abusive relationship, one that no one really "knew" about, and it took having the very essence of everything I strive to have as far as a relationship to be greatly challenged, for me to realize that not only did it have to end indefinitely, but that I had to share it. I had to let it out, because I CAN'T DO IT.<br />
<br />
And I can truly say that I can't do it.<br />
<br />
But I don't remember a time of not knowing a song that goes like this:<br />
<br />
Jesus loves me<br />
This I know<br />
For the Bible<br />
Tells me so<br />
Little ones to him belong<br />
for they are weak, but He is strong.<br />
<br />
Tonight, I am weak. I am that little one, but my God is strong. And not only is my God strong, but he has placed some pretty amazing people within my life to lean on. I'm not expected to do any of this alone.<br />
<br />
<br />
I can almost hear my daddy signing this to me right now:<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 13px;"><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">I feel the touch of hands so kind and tender.<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />They're leading me in the paths that I must trod.<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I'll have no fear for Jesus walks beside me<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />For I'm sheltered in the arms of God.<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />So let the storm rage high,<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />The dark clouds rise,<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />They don't worry me;<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />For I'm sheltered safe witin the arms of God.<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />He walks with me,<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />And naught of earth shall harm me,<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />For I'm sheltered in the arms of God.<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Soon I shall hear the call from heaven's portals<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Come home my child,<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />It's the last mile you must trod<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I'll fall asleep<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />And wake in God's sweet heaven<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />For I'm sheltered in the arms of God.<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />So let the storm rage high,<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />The dark clouds rise,<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />They don't worry me;<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />For I'm sheltered safe within the arms of God.<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />He walks with me,<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />And naught of earth shall harm me,<br style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />For I'm sheltered in the arms of God.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br />
</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br />
</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br />
</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Thank you God for my family. Thank you for my friends, and thank you for loving me enough to send your son as the perfect example of the fact that I don't have to do it alone. </span></span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-71450742393674982012011-01-01T01:02:00.001-05:002011-01-01T01:03:17.328-05:00Good lord it's 2011Time is of great importance. And using that time to learn all that I can is what 2010 was all about.<br />
<br />
Tons of people have set their goals for 2011. Very good. I'm goal oriented, and I have no problem with that. I've set a few of my own.<br />
<br />
But, I just need to take a moment to say that 2010 was one of the best years of my life. I discovered things about myself that will carry me the rest of my life.<br />
<br />
<br />
Thank God!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-60522848569966323782010-12-24T21:59:00.000-05:002010-12-24T21:59:12.727-05:00There is nothing more that I could ask for..........................Christmas Eve for me has always consisted of going to my grandparent's house. We eat dinner and anticipate what morning will bring. When my brothers and I were young we insisted as soon as we were through eating that we had to get home, before Santa came and we weren't asleep. I can remember us driving my daddy crazy, until finally he'd give in, and we'd leave.<br />
<br />
As we've grown older we've never lost that excitement about Christmas, but for me the reasons for the excitement have shifted:<br />
<br />
Tonight after dinner there were no kids insisting that we make a run for it. There were not tons of presents wrapped under the tree that we tried to sneak peeks at. There was no worry about Santa or any of his reindeer. There was just a great feeling of the need to simply enjoy each other, accept each other, and to be still and know that we are blessed beyond measure to share this time with one another. We laughed, sang, smiled, joked, and clearly were enthralled by the fact that we were all in the same room.<br />
<br />
Tonight as I think about what Christmas is, the excitement that the very word brings to my soul, I can't help but think about God's love letter to the world sent to make a way for all. I can't help but think that when he crafted this letter he know exactly what he was doing. And he knew that so many years later my family would gather in a room and share and celebrate that love with one another.<br />
<br />
The older I get, and the more experiences I gain, the more valuable all of this becomes. For life is truly a treasure. It is something that should be savored. You can't get a single moment back, and what's happening right this minute is the most important.<br />
<br />
<br />
AND<br />
<br />
There is nothing more that I could ask for.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-118375121363975442010-12-20T21:59:00.001-05:002010-12-20T22:14:24.572-05:00Phenomenal WomanFour special women:<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>There are way more than four, but these are the four that I have been writing about for quite sometime, and have finally decided to publish. </div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div>1. My mother: My mother is the definition of a godly woman. She's extended her hand to help others my entire life. Before me, she was a missionary. When my brother was born, she decided that we(her kids) would become her mission field. She's poured her life into making sure that my brother's and I have what we need. (and my daddy, too.) She tells me frequently that we make her life complete, that we fulfill her, and that there is nothing more important, and I believe that with all of my heart. She is a phenomenal woman.</div><div><br />
</div><div>2. My nana: My mother's mother was the wife of a minister for over 40 years, and that in and of itself tells an entire story. She's loving, giving, and quite stubborn.(All amazing qualities to have) She's seen hard times. She's know struggles, but she's not bitter, and she trusts in God with all of her heart and has displayed that love to me my entire life. She is a phenomenal woman. </div><div><br />
</div><div>3. My grandma: My grandma has spent a little over a year fighting and re-cooperating from the fighting, of breast cancer. She's remained in fairly good spirits and has a testimony that won't wait. She's never worked a "job" in her life, but has taken great pride in raising her children and being there for her grandchildren. She has taught me valuable money managing skills, and carried on many of my "save the world" conversations with me. She is a phenomenal woman. </div><div><br />
</div><div>4. My digi: My digi is a bit different, because I've known her for a much shorter time, but in that time her story has touched every part of who I am. She has displayed for me what forgiveness truly is. She's shown me the power behind that, and it has helped me to unlock my willingness and ability to forgive. Perhaps shes a mentor? Perhaps she's gone way farther than the call of duty? She's a phenomenal woman. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Phenomenal is a subjective term, and perhaps only matters to the person that thinks it and the person being referred to, but my perception of phenomenal is defined by these women.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1953482026047410574.post-90189011393493765142010-12-20T21:08:00.001-05:002010-12-20T21:10:01.644-05:00Words Don't SufficeTonight driving home from Nashville I talked with a friend that's lost her father. All day I've felt an urgency to speak with her, because I needed to make verbal contact.<br />
<br />
As soon as she said hello, I felt her spirit leap through the phone and tell me that she needed to be hugged, that she needed for someone to just listen. SO I listened.<br />
<br />
I listened as she told me about her father killing himself, and how confused she is, and how much it hurts.<br />
<br />
My brain shuffled for words. For something that might be appropriate to say......................THERE WAS NOTHING.<br />
<br />
I extended to her that if she needed something, that if there was something that I could do for her, which I know that their isn't, but to let me know if there was.<br />
<br />
I sent my spirit to be with her.<br />
<br />
When I hung up the phone, I cried out to God. I asked him to send comfort. To let peace like a river flow through her soul. There are so many things in this world that I don't understand, things that hurt. Struggles don't always make sense to me.<br />
<br />
Tonight when I got home, I went straight to see my daddy. I wrapped my arms around him, and I told him how much I love him, and how much I need him. I talked to him about this heaviness for my friend.<br />
<br />
As I wrapped my arms around him, all I could visualize is my friend never being able to do that again. I prayed for God to help me to take advantage of every moment. To soak it up.<br />
<br />
And I prayed that God let my friend feel the presence of her father embracing her throughout the remainder of her life.<br />
<br />
Times like these, there is nothing to say. All we can do is send our spirits to be with someone.<br />
Words don't suffice.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0