There is nothing more that I could ask for..........................

Christmas Eve for me has always consisted of going to my grandparent's house. We eat dinner and anticipate what morning will bring. When my brothers and I were young we insisted as soon as we were through eating that we had to get home, before Santa came and we weren't asleep. I can remember us driving my daddy crazy, until finally he'd give in, and we'd leave.

As we've grown older we've never lost that excitement about Christmas, but for me the reasons for the excitement have shifted:

Tonight after dinner there were no kids insisting that we make a run for it. There were not tons of presents wrapped under the tree that we tried to sneak peeks at. There was no worry about Santa or any of his reindeer. There was just a great feeling of the need to simply enjoy each other, accept each other, and to be still and know that we are blessed beyond measure to share this time with one another. We laughed, sang, smiled, joked, and clearly were enthralled by the fact that we were all in the same room.

Tonight as I think about what Christmas is, the excitement that the very word brings to my soul, I can't help but think about God's love letter to the world sent to make a way for all. I can't help but think that when he crafted this letter he know exactly what he was doing. And he knew that so many years later my family would gather in a room and share and celebrate that love with one another.

The older I get, and the more experiences I gain, the more valuable all of this becomes. For life is truly a treasure. It is something that should be savored. You can't get a single moment back, and what's happening right this minute is the most important.


AND

There is nothing more that I could ask for.

Phenomenal Woman

Four special women:

There are way more than four, but these are the four that I have been writing about for quite sometime, and have finally decided to publish. 

1. My mother: My mother is the definition of a godly woman. She's extended her hand to help others my entire life. Before me, she was a missionary. When my brother was born, she decided that we(her kids) would become her mission field. She's poured her life into making sure that my brother's and I have what we need. (and my daddy, too.) She tells me frequently that we make her life complete, that we fulfill her, and that there is nothing more important, and I believe that with all of my heart. She is a phenomenal woman.

2. My nana: My mother's mother was the wife of a minister for over 40 years, and that in and of itself tells an entire story. She's loving, giving, and quite stubborn.(All amazing qualities to have) She's seen hard times. She's know struggles, but she's not bitter, and she trusts in God with all of her heart and has displayed that love to me my entire life. She is a phenomenal woman. 

3. My grandma: My grandma has spent a little over a year fighting and re-cooperating from the fighting, of breast cancer. She's remained in fairly good spirits and has a testimony that won't wait. She's never worked a "job" in her life, but has taken great pride in raising her children and being there for her grandchildren. She has taught me valuable money managing skills, and carried on many of my "save the world" conversations with me. She is a phenomenal woman. 

4. My digi: My digi  is a bit different, because I've known her for a much shorter time, but in that time her story has touched every part of who I am. She has displayed for me what forgiveness truly is. She's shown me the power behind that, and it has helped me to unlock my willingness and ability to forgive. Perhaps shes a mentor? Perhaps she's gone way farther than the call of duty? She's a phenomenal woman. 

Phenomenal is a subjective term, and perhaps only matters to the person that thinks it and the person being referred to, but my perception of phenomenal is defined by these women.

Words Don't Suffice

Tonight driving home from Nashville I talked with a friend that's lost her father. All day I've felt an urgency to speak with her, because I needed to make verbal contact.

As soon as she said hello, I felt her spirit leap through the phone and tell me that she needed to be hugged, that she needed for someone to just listen. SO I listened.

I listened as she told me about her father killing himself, and how confused she is, and how much it hurts.

My brain shuffled for words. For something that might be appropriate to say......................THERE WAS NOTHING.

I extended to her that if she needed something, that if there was something that I could do for her, which I know that their isn't, but to let me know if there was.

I sent my spirit to be with her.

When I hung up the phone, I cried out to God. I asked him to send comfort. To let peace like a river flow through her soul. There are so many things in this world that I don't understand, things that hurt. Struggles don't always make sense to me.

Tonight when I got home, I went straight to see my daddy. I wrapped my arms around him, and I told him how much I love him, and how much I need him. I talked to him about this heaviness for my friend.

As I wrapped my arms around him, all I could visualize is my friend never being able to do that again. I prayed for God to help me to take advantage of every moment. To soak it up.

And I prayed that God let my friend feel the presence of her father embracing her throughout the remainder of her life.

Times like these, there is nothing to say. All we can do is send our spirits to be with someone.
Words don't suffice.

Damn You Gingerbread cookie.............

What is your deal? I told you early this morning that I wouldn't be having anything to do with you. I lost another pound last week, and you're not screwing that up, dear.

Lunch time: Michelle, I'm one cookie.......how much harm can I do?



Seriously? You have a small point here..................................

Do you understand that I've been having to pull up my pants all day long, and I kinda like that feeling........Get out of my face!

Yeah, well......It's one cookie.

See, Ive been saving up for this red velvet cake that I have to eat on my birthday, and I don't really understand what that gingerbread cookie couldn't understand about that.....






OH WELL!

My Burning Bush

See, Moses was at a point of desperation when this bush lit up and he heard God's voice calling him to lead the children out of Israel....

I've been at a point of desperation. Doors have closed, slammed shut in my face. It feels like God has said no, way more than he's said yes, lately. It's been hard. I'm human. I'm strong, but I'm human, and a girl can only handle so many times of feeling like she almost made it through the doorway, just to have her nose almost broken by the slamming of that door in her face.

Dissection of powerful lyrics:

(Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed Is

So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road)

Maybe. Maybe God knows way better what I need, than I do. Yea. He does. Maybe I should let it flow. Stop being so bratty every time that he says "not right now." 

(Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow

And when it's time, you'll know)

I know that when it's all lining up exactly right, that I'll be the first to know. I know that when it's perfectly perfect, that a lot of things that seem to matter right this moment, won't mean a thing then. 

(Just own the night

Like the Fourth of July)

This piece of the lyric was at the end of the verse and I think means something different than where I'm taking it, but this is my blog, so it's my interpretation that counts. 
If I don't own this place I'm in right this minute, if I don't shine like the fourth of July right here, then the person that is destined to fall in love with me, may not ever find the light he's looking for. 

(You just gotta ignite the light

And let it shine)

I can tell you now that the light within me shines. No need to hide it. No need to pretend like I'm not intelligent and beautiful. I can testify to the fact that thoughts have ran through my mind lately that look something like this: 
Maybe if I'd just be a little more quiet about the fact that I want a man that knows how to talk to me.....
Maybe it's not going to be a perfect fit. Maybe it's going to be something that grows on me. 
Maybe?
Maybe if I'd take a more submissive role? 


Yeah. I've had all those thoughts, and I'm very glad that they are just thoughts and that I have NO need to act upon them. 


I'll be a firework. 


Had moses been afraid of his capacity to be a firework, the children would have never made it out of Israel, at least not under his direction. 


I'm not Moses, but I'm Michelle, and if I give in to those thoughts and ignore this burning bush, I may miss what there is for me. 

Lord, I'm Amazed By You.

I'm amazed at how I can bring my brokenness to you, and you can speak life into my weary soul.
I'm amazed at how I can pour out my anxiety, and you fill that place with assurance.
I'm amazed at how instant your love brings peace into my soul.
I'm amazed by how creation screams your name, how everywhere I look your light shines.
I'm amazed.
I'm amazed by your love for me.

At a Red Light

I'm sitting at a red light, because it's red, and I often become distracted while sitting there.(It's the ADD)
Anyway, I'm sitting at the red light and I begin to scan through the radio stations to see if I can find something that I like a little bit better. Ahhh. Brad Paisley.....such a nice drink of water. I become lost in my thoughts for just a moment................Light turns green. Yes. I register it, but there is a little old lady getting on across the road with her dog. The person in the car behind me obviously has no inclination of the fact that they are not the only human in the world. Nor do they realize that wherever they are going will more than likely be there long enough for me to wait for this lady to get across the street with her dog.

The whole world is in a hurry, and especially at this time of the year. People are everywhere trying to figure out how they can outdo the Christmas before. Paying little attention to the fact the things that truly matter, don't have a price tag at all. I love Christmas. I love what my parents made Christmas about for me and my brothers. I love that we often went on trips during this time of the year and spent real time with each other. I love that the true joy of it all was very present in my household, and that we knew year round, but especially at Christmas, that there were other people existing in the world and that we weren't the only ones. I'm proud of the fact that the joy of this season that I celebrate lives within me, and that I'm blessed enough to know that slowing down can open my eyes to all that is good.