“Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.”

I close my eyes and in the silence
Hear a voice so clear
Reminding me your love
Is always right here

Within me-then all of my doubts disappear
And there's nothing to fear- your love is
Within me
You gave me strength to believe
That all that I am and all that I'll ever need is
Within me

When my spirit's all but broken
I'm humbled to the bone
Searching for the grace
To find my way home

I take a breath, a slow deep breath
And feel a sense of calm
Then the hurt in my heart is suddenly gone

Within me you wiped away all my tears
There's nothing to fear- your love's within me
It gives me the strength to believe
That all that I am and all that I'll ever need is
Within me

Songwriters: Martillano, Rose; Sillas, Phillip H; Rich, Allan


I find strength in lyrics. I find peace in music, and it is most definitely my lifelong security blanket.

The times that he's the closest

The times that I can feel my grandfather the closest are in my times of pure worship, and this makes perfect sense because my grandfather was a worshiper, in spirit and in truth.

His whole life was a reflection of God's beauty and he could find moments of worship hidden amongst all sorts of times. I can remember many times riding somewhere with him and listening to him pray and feel the very presence of God fill the car that we were riding in. I have never been able to explain it, and I've stopped trying, but there was something about that man's worship that ushered the very presence of God into a room, or a car, or on vacation,or at a band concert or at graduation.......just about anywhere.

One of my most vivid and cherished last moments of him, are ones of worship.

As he lay in that hospital bed in their living room he had become pretty non responsive to anything that was going on around him, but we still talked to him and sang to him. We played his Gaither Vocal Band tapes for him, because he loved it. The night before he died we played one for him and he began to sing along with it, only for a moment, and not in tune, but that moment was one that I will never, ever, forget.

This man, cancer has destroyed his earthly body and he has every reason to be angry, to be sad, to hurt, but all he can do is worship.

Through his last moments of life, he worshiped, because he understood that what he had lived his whole life for, was about to occur. He was about to meet his purest love, and he was ready.


I am sad, and I do hurt, but deep, way deep down inside, I know that he hears, he sees, and I can feel his spirit so strong in those moments of worship, and I thank God for this comfort that he has given me. I praise my creator for giving me strength.


These lyrics grab me:
Old man, hospital bed
The room is filled with people he loves
And he whispers
"Don't cry for me, I'll see you all someday"
He looks up and says
"I can see God's face"

This is my temporary home, it's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passing through
This was just a stop on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know
This was my temporary home

The voice that's missing

I miss my grandfather so much.

I wish I could tell him about all of the wonderful things that are happening in my life and how what he always told me, "you can do it gal," is really the truth.

I wish I could see his proud face, just for a moment, and hear his calming voice speaking words of life into the world.

I wish I could hear him say the prayer over our food at Thanksgiving, but most of all I wish I could just talk to him.

I just need five minutes to tell him about what is going on around here and to ask him a couple of these "life decision" questions.

Friday, at 6:50 am, marks three years that I have spent without this voice in my life, and while I know that he is no longer suffering, or battling, I'm still sad and it still hurts.

Why does it feel like I'm always forgetting to hug someone, or call someone? Why does it always feel like someone has left me out on my birthday? Why at the moment that I feel the most successful, do I realize that one of the most important people, I can't tell, I can't see smile. Why does it always feel like someone is missing?

Love Applied

God's voice has become so evident in my life recently. I can hear him in the tiniest of things and feel his presence in the darkest of situations. I don't think that voice ever went anywhere, it's right here inside of me, but I do think my sense of hearing has been a little off.

I love how at the moment that I feel the absolute weakest, I feel the very hand of God upon my shoulder.
"When I feel like I can't go on, you deliver me"

I love how no matter what the question is in my life, I can answer it with the love of God.

I love how there are so many amazing people in my life that are major reminders of God's divine power.

I love waking up everyday knowing that I have a purpose, and that purpose is to love every single person in my life- to show them the love that God has for them.

I think our generation, our culture, is crying out to be shown, SHOWN the love of Christ. I think people are tired of empty words, of being told bible stories by people that have no conviction about what they're saying. People are thirsting for genuine. They want to know that what we have tapped into is real and that we apply it in our lives- that it's truly our conviction.
Our witness is the very love of God emanating from our presence, our mouths don't do it justice.

I love my God.

"The Great Kapok Tree"

I read this book to my students for the first time yesterday and I knew that they were ready for it and would give me some good thoughts, but one student really surprised me.

"Senhor, when you awake, please look upon us all with new eyes"

My question: "Does that mean that the boy wanted the man to literally get new eyeballs to look at things?"

Very shy little girl: "No. It means that he wants him to see the world differently, through the eyes of beauty and love."

I was floored, and she said it so well. I'm pretty sure that I stood there with my mouth hanging open for at least 20 seconds. My host teacher and I locked eyes at about the same time and I could see that she was just as pleased as I was. :)

I am learning so much from these people that only have 7 or 8 years of experience with life.

My God, if we could all look at things through the eyes of "beauty and love," the way that I truly believe children do, there is no telling what mountains humans could move.

Anything, but ordinary :)

Peace Transcends

Yesterday my peace was robbed by fear, and while it took me most of the night and a long conversation with my creator to gain a portion of it back, I did.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

I don't know what I'd do without this love.......I don't know where I'd be. Some call it a crutch, I call it an everlasting relationship with the power that formed me.

My grandmother is sick, but time has always been precious and if she slipped from this moment right now, I can say with all assurance that I have been blessed by the life that she's lived, there is no memory left unmade and no words left unsaid. She's loved me with all of her heart, and it's in a lot of ways shaped the person I am becoming.

And as soon as I realize that I'm not in control, and that it's nothing I've done or will do that will change any of this, that's when my faith takes over in a mighty way, that's when the peace transcends.