The voice that's missing

I miss my grandfather so much.

I wish I could tell him about all of the wonderful things that are happening in my life and how what he always told me, "you can do it gal," is really the truth.

I wish I could see his proud face, just for a moment, and hear his calming voice speaking words of life into the world.

I wish I could hear him say the prayer over our food at Thanksgiving, but most of all I wish I could just talk to him.

I just need five minutes to tell him about what is going on around here and to ask him a couple of these "life decision" questions.

Friday, at 6:50 am, marks three years that I have spent without this voice in my life, and while I know that he is no longer suffering, or battling, I'm still sad and it still hurts.

Why does it feel like I'm always forgetting to hug someone, or call someone? Why does it always feel like someone has left me out on my birthday? Why at the moment that I feel the most successful, do I realize that one of the most important people, I can't tell, I can't see smile. Why does it always feel like someone is missing?