Never Settle for The Path of Least Resistance

My second year of teaching has kicked into high gear. I'm moving into week three and I'm loving it more than ever.

This past week I've uncovered some things about myself. It's really almost too much to put on paper, even digital paper.

So when I graduated from college I had this huge metaphor that I used for the "exit" process called capstone. I constructed it over a period of time using the things that I had learned to guide the delivery. I was very attached to it. It felt just right. It was basically very much reflective of my blog's title, "From the Spark to the Flame." I ever so carefully thought about my student teaching experience and I compared what I had learned to the elements a flame needs in order to burn efficiently. In case you're not aware, fuel, oxygen, and heat are what it takes. I had come to an understanding of all of that. I knew what the elements were and I knew that I was going to be able to maintain my flame.

For the longest time when I started out I was very focused on the way in which I taught my kids. I made a special point to always allow freedom within the classroom. I wanted them to be able to rationalize. I wanted them to know why they were doing the things that they were doing. I fought forcing compliance. My class looked very different than some. I am certain that at times it looked "out of control." And you know what? Maybe it was out of my control. I deeply believe that children should be the owners of their learning. Adults get in the way too much. We force our ideas of "right." We do this in hopes of creating a social norm.

Through all of this I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I wondered how the system would respond to these children who were coming out of my classroom thinking freely. These children had spent 10 months with me and I had done everything that I could to cultivate creativity in them. Why? Because if they can understand that learning is something that they own, something that flows as freely as they breathe, they would always love it. My goal was for them to love it.

I've watched as my first group have pushed their way into kindergarten. I've heard many stories and checked on quite a few of them. I've conversed with teachers that teach some of them and with school staff that have seen some of them. It seems that there is an ongoing theme. They all miss Pre-K.

Why? That's always my next question. Kindergarten is supposed to be just like all of those books that I read to them to get them ready. As reported to me by many parents.............the books that I read to them are inaccurate. It seems that kindergarten looks nothing like those books at all.

So, over the past couple of weeks I've pondered "compliance." Do I force these babies, and I say babies because they are truly just 4 and 5 years old, to comply to sitting like soldiers and learning in one single way that I find to be appropriate.

My answer is still a resounding no.

There is such a flame living inside of these beings, and if I can't be a catalyst for that to become even brighter, then I don't want to be a teacher. If I can't cultivate creativity and advocate for them to be accepted as free thinkers, then I can't do this job.

I know I look different. I know they look different. But I am more than ok with it.

A friend of mine that teaches kindergarten spoke with me today. She said that she knew which ones were mine without even looking at the paperwork. She said she knew because of how alive they were.

That meant everything to me. That was sheer confirmation in my soul that I had given these children what they needed. All teachers don't appreciate the "alive" factor. Some resist it entirely. I've seen that this week, too. But even though they don't appreciate it, it forces them to ponder what they need to do. Luckily I've formed parent alliances. Luckily the parents of my students were just as knowledgeable about the way that I taught their children as I was. I let them in on as much of the theory as I could. I linked them as much as I could. Why? Because I wanted them to know the foundation of my reasoning.

Most parents agree with me that there is a special light inside of each one of them. Most parents agree with me that unless we as adults continue to allow that to be ok, it will lessen by the year until the elements that the flame needs are dampened entirely.

So I guess at this point my metaphor is a little backwards from before.......because I've seen it in reverse. I can see how the flame can become just a spark in a very short period of time if we're not careful.

And it is disheartening, but I do believe that I have done what is right. I do believe that these children that I've sent forward into the world will birth what they are purposed for. They are conductors of change. I feel that more strongly than any of the opposition.

I am truly blessed that they teach me so much. I am blessed that my interactions with them and with their families provide fulfillment for my life.

I have felt great resistance. But from that resistance has come a peace about my teaching philosophy that will never be shaken to its core again.

I'm a 23 year old female that knows exactly what her purpose is.

Flaws in The Process

Has anyone ever told you, "Just trust the process"? I've heard this more times that I can count, and with many things I believe that it's an okay theory. Trusting some processes are no doubt, what has to happen. The process of healing for instance. Healing is a natural thing. Healing is a process that I trust.

But, and you knew that was coming, what about those processes that are flawed? What about the systematic processes that we walk through in life? Processes created by other humans. Are we not supposed to question those processes in order to make sure that we're getting where we need to be, or getting what we need out of it.

I question certain things, and whether it's right or wrong, it's what I've come to do. Sometimes it makes me crazy. Sometimes it helps me make discoveries for myself. Often times it helps me to connect with another human that has had a similar thought.

Perhaps seeing the flaws within a process are just my way of processing. Perhaps it is all "Just a process" and I should just trust it.

Yep. Certifiably CRAZY!

"I Know It Everyday"

I've witnessed this conversation between a friend and her son many times:

Friend: Guess what? 

Son: You love me. 

Friend: How did you know that? 

Son: I know it everyday.

As some things often strike me, this conversation did. There are things that happen in my life that I feel like are God saying, "Guess what baby? I love you, and I'm going to show you everyday." Everyday there is joy. Everyday there is peace. EVERY DAY there is love in my life. Even on the darkest days there are glimpses of purpose and I know every day that my maker loves me. God let's me know everyday just how powerful his love is. I'm thankful that I can hear Him. 

Pure Joy

There is a joy in this little boy's laughter that is purely good for my soul. The way that he loves makes me want to find every bit of animosity within my being and allow that same kind of love to invade. That.......That is God. 

Tuesdays With Shawn

So, there is this little boy that I met when he was just shy of being 2 years old that following July. There was an instant connect with him and you shouldn't ask me to explain it, because even I don't get it.  I did meet him through work and taught him again in Prek, but he remains a part of my life because the connection that has been made is so deep that I couldn't sever it if I tried.

What I'm learning about life is that God makes provision for His children. Sometimes that provision comes through individuals. God provided me with strength through this little boy over the past year of my life. There were days when no one in this world was fully aware of what was occurring within my soul and mind, and he didn't "know" either, yet somehow he did.

I remember one day specifically that I went to work with a very heavy heart. Of course I faked it just fine. I went through the motions and no one in the room noticed anything out of the ordinary except for him. He put his arms around me and hugged me with the power of what I now know was a divine intervention of some sort. I literally felt a transfer of energy with that hug. I knew at that moment that everything was going to be just fine.

He's one of the funniest children I've ever met, and watching him think truly fascinates me. He thinks in a capacity that I'm not really that familiar with, which is perhaps why I'm perplexed by it. He's more observant than I am, and he's not quite five years old just yet. His ability to interact with, and to feel his environment never ceases to  amaze me. He's quite incredible.

So, Tuesdays are his days. He's not my student anymore. The change is tough to mentally grasp. Though, the reality of it all is that I get to be in his life in a completely more permanent way and I am so excited about that. He has an amazing family that warms my heart whenever I think of them. So in a really huge way, my family is expanding. :)

A Phenomenal Mother

Dear Mama,

When I think about what I have with you my heart is completely overwhelmed. The love that you have always shown me, Corey, and Ryan has been my place to land on many hard days. Our relationship has shifted through the years, and throughout each phase my need for you has changed, yet you’ve seemed to always know what to give me to help me to be successful. At 23 years old I look back over the years of my life that I can remember, and all of the happy, and sad moments involve you in some way. You’ve been there through all of the joy and all of the pain. You’ve known when to hold me, and when to tell me to get up and brush it off and keep going. You’ve pushed me. You’ve challenged me. You’ve been a teacher, one that is much responsible for my success as one. And because of that, my potential is limitless.

You love me with a love that I’ve never felt from anyone else but God himself, and you make it easy for me to believe in that deity. Along with telling me about Jesus, you’ve shown me. Everyday, you’ve shown me. I’ve looked you in the eye and told you that I hated you, and you’ve stared right back as if to say, “It’s ok, because I love you enough for the both of us.” That’s God’s love. And that’s my mother’s love.

One day I pray that God allows me to sit on your end of it, and I hope that I’m half of the mother that you are, because if I’m one half of that woman, I’ll be a good mother. But you, you’re a phenomenal mother.

I love you as much as I know how, yet I know that you’ll always love me more.

Your baby girl,

Michelle 

Single Bloom

I'm sitting on the swing while my dog runs vigorously in circles around my yard. What does this have to do with anything? Nothing. I just wanted you to have an image of the setting.

Anyway,

So I'm sitting here thinking about work tomorrow, and really I've been thinking about that a lot. With the school year beginning to come to an end I can feel it all winding down in my bones. I've started to ask myself questions about how I think these children will fair in kindergarten. That question all together makes me anxious. This entire year has been a learning experience for me. I've never taught prek before and I've had to figure out exactly what I want that to look like.

My prek classroom is a place where the imagination guides a whole lot of what I do. My children love to tell stories and draw pictures. They love to sing and to dance. They build, create, solve, experiment. They play. My prek classroom is a place of play. It's where they play and it's where I play. It's where they learn, and it's where I learn. It's exactly what I believe it should be.

But, and you knew that word was coming. But, as the year winds down I've started asking myself the question, have I prepared these children for the system? Are they ready to sit in a traditional kindergarten classroom? After pondering this thought over the last few days I've stumbled upon a new portion to my question. Have I prepared these children for the system, or have I done everything that I can to ignite a flame for learning within these individuals? Is their perception of school and of the world a place where anything can be imagined and achieved? And when the second part of that question came, all of my worry subsided.

My worry is gone because I know deep down that I've shown these children how exciting learning is. I know that creativity flows from their fingertips. I know that they are thinkers. I've asked questions and they've found answers. I think they have a wonderful foundation and I am so thankful for the experience of being their teacher.

As I try to stop typing this, I'm looking at a single pink flower that has begun to bloom on a bush not far from where I am sitting, and I can't help but compare it to the stability that I have found in myself this school year. I'm trusting myself more, becoming more confident in being different. I challenge traditional thinking frequently, and I pray that I will always have the strength to know where the kids are that I'm teaching. The strength to find out what helps them learn, and to give them that. And just as that single flower is blooming by itself right now, and being much different from the buds on that bush, I'm thankful that I'm different, because it's the only way that I will ever reach my full potential as a teacher. And hey, hopefully someone will see how much fun I am having and decide to join the club!