"You know what Michelle? I love you"

For the past three weeks of my life I have felt like all hell has broken loose. I've tried to be strong. I've tried to hold fast, but I have been broken. I've tried to cling to the things in my life that bring me the most joy, and they have eased the pain, but it's still been SO tough. When the waves are crashing, the ship just won't stay steady on the water.


The past 3 days have been so much more enjoyable. I have begun to look at all of the positive and all of the things that I have and really surround myself and bask in my blessings.

After nap time today, one very special little boy looked at me and said "You know what Michelle? I love you"(No Ms. in front. Very personal.)

Those very moments take my breath away and breathe life into my soul at the same time. It's almost as if the very voice of God is whispering "You know what Michelle? I love you. And I don't care that you don't understand. And it's not important for you to see why right now. I need you to trust me. I need you to trust my plan for you. I need you to let go."

I am so very blessed to be who I am and where I am. I have SO much. Not of monetary value, but of love. From the time that I was born until this moment, my parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends have showered me and wrapped me in love. And that love continues to push me onward.

Never Gonna Give Up

It's really been an ongoing thing in my life, and I've often felt silly. Sometimes I'm the only one standing, and sometimes there are others standing by my side. No matter what, I don't believe in giving up and I don't believe in lost causes. I do know that there are times when I am forced to brush my feet off and keep on going, but I never let go of that individual and I always think of them, in hopes that my thoughts will somehow be with them. I don't like being told "you can't." Because I know that if I want to, I can. Those "You can't" words hurt even worse when they come from someone that you respect. Stings. Really bad. I know that I can. So I will. 

Rose Colored Glasses

If accused, I'd plead guilty. It's how I've always been. I don't think really hard about what could happen, until it does happen. As far as peace of mind goes, I have a great deal of it. I'm not shaken easily. I don't worry about locking doors most of the time, but in habit I do do it when I leave my house (most of the time) . This past Thursday my theory of "If they want in, they're coming in" was proven. Someone, or someones broke into my house and took what I believe to be what they could carry. They took my electronic devices and some jewelry. I was upset. I was hurt, but most of all I was scared. I felt fear flood my body in places that I have never felt it before. When I walked into my house, after going to get my daddy because I felt the "Someone's been in my house" feeling at the front door, I saw that my stuff had been taken, and I was really fine until I went into my bedroom and saw that my closet had been gone through along with all of my jewelry boxes. I felt a feeling of invasion. I felt deprived of oxygen and I was more hurt than anything.

It's all just stuff. It can all be replaced for the most part, but my peace of mind, it was stolen. I decided that I was a big girl and that I could handle spending the night by myself. At about 10:30pm I heard something and felt panic flush through my body. I called my daddy and he came and got me. I felt pathetic. I felt childish. I felt helpless, because even though I could rationalize within my mind that nobody wanted to hurt me, they just wanted my stuff, my psyche could not wrap itself all the way around that.

As I sit here tonight, after spending the night here last night, I can feel the peace of God rushing back through my body. The truth is that I find my peace in him and that's why I'm going to be ok. He holds me right now. I'm not alone in my house. He's right here with me, and so is his peace. He covers me with his love. He wraps me in light. It's a light that darkness cannot penetrate. It's a light that will make the night appear to be day.

I love my house, and it will take a little bit of time for my mind to catch up with all of this, but my soul knows that I am safe in the arms of my everlasting love.