"I Know It Everyday"

I've witnessed this conversation between a friend and her son many times:

Friend: Guess what? 

Son: You love me. 

Friend: How did you know that? 

Son: I know it everyday.

As some things often strike me, this conversation did. There are things that happen in my life that I feel like are God saying, "Guess what baby? I love you, and I'm going to show you everyday." Everyday there is joy. Everyday there is peace. EVERY DAY there is love in my life. Even on the darkest days there are glimpses of purpose and I know every day that my maker loves me. God let's me know everyday just how powerful his love is. I'm thankful that I can hear Him. 

Pure Joy

There is a joy in this little boy's laughter that is purely good for my soul. The way that he loves makes me want to find every bit of animosity within my being and allow that same kind of love to invade. That.......That is God. 

Tuesdays With Shawn

So, there is this little boy that I met when he was just shy of being 2 years old that following July. There was an instant connect with him and you shouldn't ask me to explain it, because even I don't get it.  I did meet him through work and taught him again in Prek, but he remains a part of my life because the connection that has been made is so deep that I couldn't sever it if I tried.

What I'm learning about life is that God makes provision for His children. Sometimes that provision comes through individuals. God provided me with strength through this little boy over the past year of my life. There were days when no one in this world was fully aware of what was occurring within my soul and mind, and he didn't "know" either, yet somehow he did.

I remember one day specifically that I went to work with a very heavy heart. Of course I faked it just fine. I went through the motions and no one in the room noticed anything out of the ordinary except for him. He put his arms around me and hugged me with the power of what I now know was a divine intervention of some sort. I literally felt a transfer of energy with that hug. I knew at that moment that everything was going to be just fine.

He's one of the funniest children I've ever met, and watching him think truly fascinates me. He thinks in a capacity that I'm not really that familiar with, which is perhaps why I'm perplexed by it. He's more observant than I am, and he's not quite five years old just yet. His ability to interact with, and to feel his environment never ceases to  amaze me. He's quite incredible.

So, Tuesdays are his days. He's not my student anymore. The change is tough to mentally grasp. Though, the reality of it all is that I get to be in his life in a completely more permanent way and I am so excited about that. He has an amazing family that warms my heart whenever I think of them. So in a really huge way, my family is expanding. :)

A Phenomenal Mother

Dear Mama,

When I think about what I have with you my heart is completely overwhelmed. The love that you have always shown me, Corey, and Ryan has been my place to land on many hard days. Our relationship has shifted through the years, and throughout each phase my need for you has changed, yet you’ve seemed to always know what to give me to help me to be successful. At 23 years old I look back over the years of my life that I can remember, and all of the happy, and sad moments involve you in some way. You’ve been there through all of the joy and all of the pain. You’ve known when to hold me, and when to tell me to get up and brush it off and keep going. You’ve pushed me. You’ve challenged me. You’ve been a teacher, one that is much responsible for my success as one. And because of that, my potential is limitless.

You love me with a love that I’ve never felt from anyone else but God himself, and you make it easy for me to believe in that deity. Along with telling me about Jesus, you’ve shown me. Everyday, you’ve shown me. I’ve looked you in the eye and told you that I hated you, and you’ve stared right back as if to say, “It’s ok, because I love you enough for the both of us.” That’s God’s love. And that’s my mother’s love.

One day I pray that God allows me to sit on your end of it, and I hope that I’m half of the mother that you are, because if I’m one half of that woman, I’ll be a good mother. But you, you’re a phenomenal mother.

I love you as much as I know how, yet I know that you’ll always love me more.

Your baby girl,

Michelle 

Single Bloom

I'm sitting on the swing while my dog runs vigorously in circles around my yard. What does this have to do with anything? Nothing. I just wanted you to have an image of the setting.

Anyway,

So I'm sitting here thinking about work tomorrow, and really I've been thinking about that a lot. With the school year beginning to come to an end I can feel it all winding down in my bones. I've started to ask myself questions about how I think these children will fair in kindergarten. That question all together makes me anxious. This entire year has been a learning experience for me. I've never taught prek before and I've had to figure out exactly what I want that to look like.

My prek classroom is a place where the imagination guides a whole lot of what I do. My children love to tell stories and draw pictures. They love to sing and to dance. They build, create, solve, experiment. They play. My prek classroom is a place of play. It's where they play and it's where I play. It's where they learn, and it's where I learn. It's exactly what I believe it should be.

But, and you knew that word was coming. But, as the year winds down I've started asking myself the question, have I prepared these children for the system? Are they ready to sit in a traditional kindergarten classroom? After pondering this thought over the last few days I've stumbled upon a new portion to my question. Have I prepared these children for the system, or have I done everything that I can to ignite a flame for learning within these individuals? Is their perception of school and of the world a place where anything can be imagined and achieved? And when the second part of that question came, all of my worry subsided.

My worry is gone because I know deep down that I've shown these children how exciting learning is. I know that creativity flows from their fingertips. I know that they are thinkers. I've asked questions and they've found answers. I think they have a wonderful foundation and I am so thankful for the experience of being their teacher.

As I try to stop typing this, I'm looking at a single pink flower that has begun to bloom on a bush not far from where I am sitting, and I can't help but compare it to the stability that I have found in myself this school year. I'm trusting myself more, becoming more confident in being different. I challenge traditional thinking frequently, and I pray that I will always have the strength to know where the kids are that I'm teaching. The strength to find out what helps them learn, and to give them that. And just as that single flower is blooming by itself right now, and being much different from the buds on that bush, I'm thankful that I'm different, because it's the only way that I will ever reach my full potential as a teacher. And hey, hopefully someone will see how much fun I am having and decide to join the club!

Inches Away!

About 6 months ago I decided that I needed a change. I needed to begin focusing on my physical health. The thing I've discovered in my twenties is that this body is hard to keep in line. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually......It's hard work. It's hard work to make sure that the person that I wake up to on a daily basis is who I want it to be, and more importantly, who God has designed and destined for it to be. It is hard work to uncover the aspects of life that feel uncomfortable,and put those things at the forefront of my mind and find ways to find comfort with them.

I won't lie and tell you that I don't wish to know what skinny feels like, but I will tell you that the will to be healthy is much more of a drive for why I wish to lose weight than the want to be "skinny."

So, healthy is what I'm striving for, and according to this morning's measurements, I'm a small 8 inches away from having a healthier/lower risk waist line.

The weight is slowly coming off. Slowly is not considered a bad thing in my mind at this point, because everything that I have read, research wise, indicates that slow and steady is much healthier for my body than fast and furious. But, it can be frustrating at times.


On October 15th of 2010 I weighed 31 lbs more than I do today. I guess that could be looked at as a loss, but honestly, it's a major gain.

My workouts have opened up a whole new aspect of me that I didn't really realize existed. I feel like I've always pushed myself intellectually and spiritually, but physically......................I don't even think I've ever focused on that portion of myself until now. And mentally/emotionally.......those seem to be directly affected as well.

When I look in the mirror I still see things that I'm not thrilled about, but I see change. I see things happening, and better than all of that, I FEEL change. I feel that the physical is coming under submission. It feels right. It feels lovely.

I feel like I'm inches away!


Other great news:
I've lost a shoe size!!!
I've given tons of clothes to my best friend that is also doing a phenomenal job.
I've bought new,smaller clothes......and shoes. :)
Clothes fit better/look better
I can run 2.5 miles without dying, and actually enjoy the way it makes me feel..............(HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?)
Flexibility has improved greatly
Exercise seems to be a part of my life now......like a prescribed medication.
My mom, dad, and baby brother have been inspired to help themselves as well. :)

You Move Me

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalms 91:1

Some days I get all sassy and try to handle it on my on. HA. It never works.

The world's not perfect. Things aren't peachy, but my life is built on the faith in the things that I cannot see. My life is built on FAITH.

At the end of the day, it's all there is. Faith in my God. Faith in the people around me. Faith in the power of this life.

It's what I have, for sure. Some things are uncertain. MANY things are uncertain, but I live in the shelter of the most high.

And

There is great rest in that secret place of the almighty. Thank goodness.

Thank goodness for a grace that runs deeper than I can perceive. Thank goodness for a love that goes beyond anything that I'll ever be able to measure or describe.