A Phenomenal Mother

Dear Mama,

When I think about what I have with you my heart is completely overwhelmed. The love that you have always shown me, Corey, and Ryan has been my place to land on many hard days. Our relationship has shifted through the years, and throughout each phase my need for you has changed, yet you’ve seemed to always know what to give me to help me to be successful. At 23 years old I look back over the years of my life that I can remember, and all of the happy, and sad moments involve you in some way. You’ve been there through all of the joy and all of the pain. You’ve known when to hold me, and when to tell me to get up and brush it off and keep going. You’ve pushed me. You’ve challenged me. You’ve been a teacher, one that is much responsible for my success as one. And because of that, my potential is limitless.

You love me with a love that I’ve never felt from anyone else but God himself, and you make it easy for me to believe in that deity. Along with telling me about Jesus, you’ve shown me. Everyday, you’ve shown me. I’ve looked you in the eye and told you that I hated you, and you’ve stared right back as if to say, “It’s ok, because I love you enough for the both of us.” That’s God’s love. And that’s my mother’s love.

One day I pray that God allows me to sit on your end of it, and I hope that I’m half of the mother that you are, because if I’m one half of that woman, I’ll be a good mother. But you, you’re a phenomenal mother.

I love you as much as I know how, yet I know that you’ll always love me more.

Your baby girl,

Michelle 

Single Bloom

I'm sitting on the swing while my dog runs vigorously in circles around my yard. What does this have to do with anything? Nothing. I just wanted you to have an image of the setting.

Anyway,

So I'm sitting here thinking about work tomorrow, and really I've been thinking about that a lot. With the school year beginning to come to an end I can feel it all winding down in my bones. I've started to ask myself questions about how I think these children will fair in kindergarten. That question all together makes me anxious. This entire year has been a learning experience for me. I've never taught prek before and I've had to figure out exactly what I want that to look like.

My prek classroom is a place where the imagination guides a whole lot of what I do. My children love to tell stories and draw pictures. They love to sing and to dance. They build, create, solve, experiment. They play. My prek classroom is a place of play. It's where they play and it's where I play. It's where they learn, and it's where I learn. It's exactly what I believe it should be.

But, and you knew that word was coming. But, as the year winds down I've started asking myself the question, have I prepared these children for the system? Are they ready to sit in a traditional kindergarten classroom? After pondering this thought over the last few days I've stumbled upon a new portion to my question. Have I prepared these children for the system, or have I done everything that I can to ignite a flame for learning within these individuals? Is their perception of school and of the world a place where anything can be imagined and achieved? And when the second part of that question came, all of my worry subsided.

My worry is gone because I know deep down that I've shown these children how exciting learning is. I know that creativity flows from their fingertips. I know that they are thinkers. I've asked questions and they've found answers. I think they have a wonderful foundation and I am so thankful for the experience of being their teacher.

As I try to stop typing this, I'm looking at a single pink flower that has begun to bloom on a bush not far from where I am sitting, and I can't help but compare it to the stability that I have found in myself this school year. I'm trusting myself more, becoming more confident in being different. I challenge traditional thinking frequently, and I pray that I will always have the strength to know where the kids are that I'm teaching. The strength to find out what helps them learn, and to give them that. And just as that single flower is blooming by itself right now, and being much different from the buds on that bush, I'm thankful that I'm different, because it's the only way that I will ever reach my full potential as a teacher. And hey, hopefully someone will see how much fun I am having and decide to join the club!

Inches Away!

About 6 months ago I decided that I needed a change. I needed to begin focusing on my physical health. The thing I've discovered in my twenties is that this body is hard to keep in line. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually......It's hard work. It's hard work to make sure that the person that I wake up to on a daily basis is who I want it to be, and more importantly, who God has designed and destined for it to be. It is hard work to uncover the aspects of life that feel uncomfortable,and put those things at the forefront of my mind and find ways to find comfort with them.

I won't lie and tell you that I don't wish to know what skinny feels like, but I will tell you that the will to be healthy is much more of a drive for why I wish to lose weight than the want to be "skinny."

So, healthy is what I'm striving for, and according to this morning's measurements, I'm a small 8 inches away from having a healthier/lower risk waist line.

The weight is slowly coming off. Slowly is not considered a bad thing in my mind at this point, because everything that I have read, research wise, indicates that slow and steady is much healthier for my body than fast and furious. But, it can be frustrating at times.


On October 15th of 2010 I weighed 31 lbs more than I do today. I guess that could be looked at as a loss, but honestly, it's a major gain.

My workouts have opened up a whole new aspect of me that I didn't really realize existed. I feel like I've always pushed myself intellectually and spiritually, but physically......................I don't even think I've ever focused on that portion of myself until now. And mentally/emotionally.......those seem to be directly affected as well.

When I look in the mirror I still see things that I'm not thrilled about, but I see change. I see things happening, and better than all of that, I FEEL change. I feel that the physical is coming under submission. It feels right. It feels lovely.

I feel like I'm inches away!


Other great news:
I've lost a shoe size!!!
I've given tons of clothes to my best friend that is also doing a phenomenal job.
I've bought new,smaller clothes......and shoes. :)
Clothes fit better/look better
I can run 2.5 miles without dying, and actually enjoy the way it makes me feel..............(HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?)
Flexibility has improved greatly
Exercise seems to be a part of my life now......like a prescribed medication.
My mom, dad, and baby brother have been inspired to help themselves as well. :)

You Move Me

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalms 91:1

Some days I get all sassy and try to handle it on my on. HA. It never works.

The world's not perfect. Things aren't peachy, but my life is built on the faith in the things that I cannot see. My life is built on FAITH.

At the end of the day, it's all there is. Faith in my God. Faith in the people around me. Faith in the power of this life.

It's what I have, for sure. Some things are uncertain. MANY things are uncertain, but I live in the shelter of the most high.

And

There is great rest in that secret place of the almighty. Thank goodness.

Thank goodness for a grace that runs deeper than I can perceive. Thank goodness for a love that goes beyond anything that I'll ever be able to measure or describe.

Senses Engaged

Just think about it............

From the time we are old enough to begin being in this world everything is a sensory experience.We form our likes and our dislikes based off of what we sense.

Skype...............

Skype hinders me. I've never really liked it all that much, but it seems over the last few weeks the dislike has heightened even more. This piece of technology limits me. I can only see and hear..................making my sense of touch, smell, and sometimes taste, very jealous.


What should I do?
Probably write my lesson plans for this week and stop agonizing over something that clearly has no quick solution.


Maybe one day................

Maybe one day I'll be rich just like Bill Gates when I invent a piece of technology that engages more of the 5 senses. I'll call it............................................................Senses Engaged~The Ultimate Video chatting Experience

See it. Feel it. Let it go.

I am finding that there are so many things in life where I just have to apply this. 

See it:

It's so important for me to see it. To notice. Realize that it's there and that there is something to be learned. 

Feel it: 

Breathing it all in is sometimes hard, because there are some feelings that I don't want to feel. But, there is value in both the hills and the valleys. Feeling it with all of my might is very important. 

Let it go:

Letting go is perhaps the most challenging in all situations..............because I don't want to let go of the hilltop, for  sure, and the valley has often left such a overwhelming impression that it's hard to ever start back up the hill again. 

Conclusion:

I've watched a heart rate register on a heart monitor before, and I truly believe that when I master letting the heartbeats of life rise and fall as easily as a healthy physical heart seems to beat......................I'll be in good shape. A healthy heart never hesitates about going on to the the next beat. It sees, feels, and then lets go. Flawlessly. The way God created it. 

WOW. 

I'll probably never be as flawless as the human heart, but I can learn to see, feel, and let go more easily. 

And.

So. 

I continue to learn! 

It's not "Near Death." It's "Near Life"

I've been thinking.......................
And I've been thinking that some of the turbulence that I've experienced over the last few months has really made me recognize how near the death of my "ME" was. And as I began to think in that direction, I focused on the negative within my situation. (Not regretting the thought process, because I had to go there in order to get here.)

Where is here?
My figuring out of where here is, happened today at the gym. I was mid workout on the elliptical and I had the ipod going, but was really lost more in thought than in the music. Title of song: "Near Life Experience"
I glanced at the title and without listening to the song that I'm not that familiar with began to think. I began to wonder if more than anything what I've experienced is a "Near Life" experience. Maybe I wasn't close to dying at all, maybe that's just where I had to be in order to make a few decisions for myself. Perhaps I was much nearer to life than I've been able to see.


What are those decisions that I write of?

• I decided that I didn't need a relationship that didn't glorify every part of who God is creating me to be. (I say creating, because it's an endless process) 
• I've decided that I'm enough, and that what I offer is a lot, so therefore I need a lot in return. 
• I've decided that I'm strong, because of my weakness. 
• I've decided that I want to work on my shell a little bit. (I want to be more in shape. Take care of my body better.) 
• I've decided that I can't live any other way but full throttle. 
• I've decided that the voice that whispers from way down deep, whispers for a reason, and that by listening to that voice, I'm setting the bar for myself, my very own unborn children, and anyone else in my life that may look to me for inspiration. 

And then I listened to some of the lyrics:

"Well maybe I'm blind, just throwing darts in the dark. 

I didn't get what I want, I got what I need. 

Man it hurts like hell down here on my knees. 

Is this where I end, or is this where we begin?" 

Near Life Experience (Lifehouse) 

This is most definitely where I begin!