Inches Away!

About 6 months ago I decided that I needed a change. I needed to begin focusing on my physical health. The thing I've discovered in my twenties is that this body is hard to keep in line. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually......It's hard work. It's hard work to make sure that the person that I wake up to on a daily basis is who I want it to be, and more importantly, who God has designed and destined for it to be. It is hard work to uncover the aspects of life that feel uncomfortable,and put those things at the forefront of my mind and find ways to find comfort with them.

I won't lie and tell you that I don't wish to know what skinny feels like, but I will tell you that the will to be healthy is much more of a drive for why I wish to lose weight than the want to be "skinny."

So, healthy is what I'm striving for, and according to this morning's measurements, I'm a small 8 inches away from having a healthier/lower risk waist line.

The weight is slowly coming off. Slowly is not considered a bad thing in my mind at this point, because everything that I have read, research wise, indicates that slow and steady is much healthier for my body than fast and furious. But, it can be frustrating at times.


On October 15th of 2010 I weighed 31 lbs more than I do today. I guess that could be looked at as a loss, but honestly, it's a major gain.

My workouts have opened up a whole new aspect of me that I didn't really realize existed. I feel like I've always pushed myself intellectually and spiritually, but physically......................I don't even think I've ever focused on that portion of myself until now. And mentally/emotionally.......those seem to be directly affected as well.

When I look in the mirror I still see things that I'm not thrilled about, but I see change. I see things happening, and better than all of that, I FEEL change. I feel that the physical is coming under submission. It feels right. It feels lovely.

I feel like I'm inches away!


Other great news:
I've lost a shoe size!!!
I've given tons of clothes to my best friend that is also doing a phenomenal job.
I've bought new,smaller clothes......and shoes. :)
Clothes fit better/look better
I can run 2.5 miles without dying, and actually enjoy the way it makes me feel..............(HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?)
Flexibility has improved greatly
Exercise seems to be a part of my life now......like a prescribed medication.
My mom, dad, and baby brother have been inspired to help themselves as well. :)

You Move Me

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalms 91:1

Some days I get all sassy and try to handle it on my on. HA. It never works.

The world's not perfect. Things aren't peachy, but my life is built on the faith in the things that I cannot see. My life is built on FAITH.

At the end of the day, it's all there is. Faith in my God. Faith in the people around me. Faith in the power of this life.

It's what I have, for sure. Some things are uncertain. MANY things are uncertain, but I live in the shelter of the most high.

And

There is great rest in that secret place of the almighty. Thank goodness.

Thank goodness for a grace that runs deeper than I can perceive. Thank goodness for a love that goes beyond anything that I'll ever be able to measure or describe.

Senses Engaged

Just think about it............

From the time we are old enough to begin being in this world everything is a sensory experience.We form our likes and our dislikes based off of what we sense.

Skype...............

Skype hinders me. I've never really liked it all that much, but it seems over the last few weeks the dislike has heightened even more. This piece of technology limits me. I can only see and hear..................making my sense of touch, smell, and sometimes taste, very jealous.


What should I do?
Probably write my lesson plans for this week and stop agonizing over something that clearly has no quick solution.


Maybe one day................

Maybe one day I'll be rich just like Bill Gates when I invent a piece of technology that engages more of the 5 senses. I'll call it............................................................Senses Engaged~The Ultimate Video chatting Experience

See it. Feel it. Let it go.

I am finding that there are so many things in life where I just have to apply this. 

See it:

It's so important for me to see it. To notice. Realize that it's there and that there is something to be learned. 

Feel it: 

Breathing it all in is sometimes hard, because there are some feelings that I don't want to feel. But, there is value in both the hills and the valleys. Feeling it with all of my might is very important. 

Let it go:

Letting go is perhaps the most challenging in all situations..............because I don't want to let go of the hilltop, for  sure, and the valley has often left such a overwhelming impression that it's hard to ever start back up the hill again. 

Conclusion:

I've watched a heart rate register on a heart monitor before, and I truly believe that when I master letting the heartbeats of life rise and fall as easily as a healthy physical heart seems to beat......................I'll be in good shape. A healthy heart never hesitates about going on to the the next beat. It sees, feels, and then lets go. Flawlessly. The way God created it. 

WOW. 

I'll probably never be as flawless as the human heart, but I can learn to see, feel, and let go more easily. 

And.

So. 

I continue to learn! 

It's not "Near Death." It's "Near Life"

I've been thinking.......................
And I've been thinking that some of the turbulence that I've experienced over the last few months has really made me recognize how near the death of my "ME" was. And as I began to think in that direction, I focused on the negative within my situation. (Not regretting the thought process, because I had to go there in order to get here.)

Where is here?
My figuring out of where here is, happened today at the gym. I was mid workout on the elliptical and I had the ipod going, but was really lost more in thought than in the music. Title of song: "Near Life Experience"
I glanced at the title and without listening to the song that I'm not that familiar with began to think. I began to wonder if more than anything what I've experienced is a "Near Life" experience. Maybe I wasn't close to dying at all, maybe that's just where I had to be in order to make a few decisions for myself. Perhaps I was much nearer to life than I've been able to see.


What are those decisions that I write of?

• I decided that I didn't need a relationship that didn't glorify every part of who God is creating me to be. (I say creating, because it's an endless process) 
• I've decided that I'm enough, and that what I offer is a lot, so therefore I need a lot in return. 
• I've decided that I'm strong, because of my weakness. 
• I've decided that I want to work on my shell a little bit. (I want to be more in shape. Take care of my body better.) 
• I've decided that I can't live any other way but full throttle. 
• I've decided that the voice that whispers from way down deep, whispers for a reason, and that by listening to that voice, I'm setting the bar for myself, my very own unborn children, and anyone else in my life that may look to me for inspiration. 

And then I listened to some of the lyrics:

"Well maybe I'm blind, just throwing darts in the dark. 

I didn't get what I want, I got what I need. 

Man it hurts like hell down here on my knees. 

Is this where I end, or is this where we begin?" 

Near Life Experience (Lifehouse) 

This is most definitely where I begin! 

Cradled by the Holy Spirit

Lyrics to a popular contemporary Christian song:
"You dance over me, while I am unaware.  You sing all around, but I never hear the sound.  Lord, I’m amazed by you."


Perhaps we can hear the sound? 


Generally, I like to base my thoughts off of something, and tonight's thoughts were brought forth by a really good workout that started with Body Pump and led into Body Flow. 


Body flow is perhaps my new favorite thing. Why? Because it quiets my mind. Plain and simple. At the end of every session there is a 15 minute segment of "meditation." I've determined to use this time to benefit my mental state. 


Tonight, I decided before hand that I'd allow anything that was causing me anxiety to come forth during this time, and that I'd see it, feel it, and then let it go. So, I did. 


And before I knew it I could feel the arms of the Holy Spirit cradling me. I could feel that anxiety being calmed, and then I let it go. 


Go with me here: 
Lying on the, what I am sure was cold but I had no realization of it, floor, I began to really take hold of the things in my life that I'm unsure and anxious about. All of the things that keep me awake at night.(We all have them.) And as I allowed those to surface, or I saw them, I began to just as quickly as I saw them, let them go. After I had let the very last bit of it run from my mind. I felt light. I saw light, and for that moment I was light. The next thing I felt was cradled and the music seemed to be louder, more intense, sweeter. I felt aware; aware of the spirit of God that dwells among us. I felt Him singing over me................I felt the Holy Spirit's arms wrapped around every part of who I am. 


Out of body experience? I don't know about all of that? But, it was certainly a refreshing awareness of just how close I can be to my maker and of how the Holy Spirit wishes to cradle me. 

It's amazing where shoes can lead you to.

Did some purging with this snow day of mine. Started with my shoes. I really work hard at not keeping things that I'm not using. I don't really like clutter all that much, so I went through some shoes to see what could go.................needless to say I was only able to part with 3 pair.......oh well!

The things that the shoes led me to, that's the important part. I spied an old tin box that someone had given me perfume in that I have kept the contents of some of my high school memories concealed in for close to 5 years now. I've opened it since high school, but I've always attached some sort of pain with the lid popping off and was usually never able to read all of the things inside. 

Today was different. Today I could read through it with a greater understanding of myself. Today I looked through all of these things with a knowing that everything that happened within that timeline happened to bring me to where I am today. I laughed at myself. I laughed at others. I smiled remembering the place that my spirit was at that time in my life. I smiled because it happened, and because it was over. I smiled because I enjoyed being 15-16-17-18. I was bright eyed, and for the most part I'm still bright eyed. 

Things happen. And when those things happen we have to learn from them. Take what's good, purge what's bad, and learn from it. Learn from ourselves. 

Today my shoes led to the relazation that I have forgiven, and because of that forgiveness, I have welcomed healing into my heart like never before.