My second year of teaching has kicked into high gear. I'm moving into week three and I'm loving it more than ever.
This past week I've uncovered some things about myself. It's really almost too much to put on paper, even digital paper.
So when I graduated from college I had this huge metaphor that I used for the "exit" process called capstone. I constructed it over a period of time using the things that I had learned to guide the delivery. I was very attached to it. It felt just right. It was basically very much reflective of my blog's title, "From the Spark to the Flame." I ever so carefully thought about my student teaching experience and I compared what I had learned to the elements a flame needs in order to burn efficiently. In case you're not aware, fuel, oxygen, and heat are what it takes. I had come to an understanding of all of that. I knew what the elements were and I knew that I was going to be able to maintain my flame.
For the longest time when I started out I was very focused on the way in which I taught my kids. I made a special point to always allow freedom within the classroom. I wanted them to be able to rationalize. I wanted them to know why they were doing the things that they were doing. I fought forcing compliance. My class looked very different than some. I am certain that at times it looked "out of control." And you know what? Maybe it was out of my control. I deeply believe that children should be the owners of their learning. Adults get in the way too much. We force our ideas of "right." We do this in hopes of creating a social norm.
Through all of this I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I wondered how the system would respond to these children who were coming out of my classroom thinking freely. These children had spent 10 months with me and I had done everything that I could to cultivate creativity in them. Why? Because if they can understand that learning is something that they own, something that flows as freely as they breathe, they would always love it. My goal was for them to love it.
I've watched as my first group have pushed their way into kindergarten. I've heard many stories and checked on quite a few of them. I've conversed with teachers that teach some of them and with school staff that have seen some of them. It seems that there is an ongoing theme. They all miss Pre-K.
Why? That's always my next question. Kindergarten is supposed to be just like all of those books that I read to them to get them ready. As reported to me by many parents.............the books that I read to them are inaccurate. It seems that kindergarten looks nothing like those books at all.
So, over the past couple of weeks I've pondered "compliance." Do I force these babies, and I say babies because they are truly just 4 and 5 years old, to comply to sitting like soldiers and learning in one single way that I find to be appropriate.
My answer is still a resounding no.
There is such a flame living inside of these beings, and if I can't be a catalyst for that to become even brighter, then I don't want to be a teacher. If I can't cultivate creativity and advocate for them to be accepted as free thinkers, then I can't do this job.
I know I look different. I know they look different. But I am more than ok with it.
A friend of mine that teaches kindergarten spoke with me today. She said that she knew which ones were mine without even looking at the paperwork. She said she knew because of how alive they were.
That meant everything to me. That was sheer confirmation in my soul that I had given these children what they needed. All teachers don't appreciate the "alive" factor. Some resist it entirely. I've seen that this week, too. But even though they don't appreciate it, it forces them to ponder what they need to do. Luckily I've formed parent alliances. Luckily the parents of my students were just as knowledgeable about the way that I taught their children as I was. I let them in on as much of the theory as I could. I linked them as much as I could. Why? Because I wanted them to know the foundation of my reasoning.
Most parents agree with me that there is a special light inside of each one of them. Most parents agree with me that unless we as adults continue to allow that to be ok, it will lessen by the year until the elements that the flame needs are dampened entirely.
So I guess at this point my metaphor is a little backwards from before.......because I've seen it in reverse. I can see how the flame can become just a spark in a very short period of time if we're not careful.
And it is disheartening, but I do believe that I have done what is right. I do believe that these children that I've sent forward into the world will birth what they are purposed for. They are conductors of change. I feel that more strongly than any of the opposition.
I am truly blessed that they teach me so much. I am blessed that my interactions with them and with their families provide fulfillment for my life.
I have felt great resistance. But from that resistance has come a peace about my teaching philosophy that will never be shaken to its core again.
I'm a 23 year old female that knows exactly what her purpose is.
